HOAX! "Honey, Thanks For Putting Up With the Me Non-Stop Running For Things!"

Update: It's a hoax. Never mind! Please enjoy the jokes in my hoax story. I worked so hard at them!

They call Michelle Obama "the rock" of the Obama household. Now, if the internet is to be believed, she can finally wear Gibraltar on her finger.

A spokesman for top Italian designer Giovanni Bosco has confirmed that President-Elect Barack Obama is looking to purchase a $30,000 Harmony ring made of rhodium and encrusted with diamonds as a thank you gift to his wife Michelle. We expect the future First Lady to receive the ring in time for her husband's January inauguration ceremony. The gift is a thank you for her support throughout the last two years of campaigning.

One of the world's rarest and most precious metals, only about 25 tons of rhodium are mined each year, setting the price at over $7,660 per ounce -- or about ten times the cost of gold. (Luxist)

1) There is a level of precious metal higher than platinum? Does Jay-Z know about this? Or is it too hard to rhyme "rhodium" with something? What am I saying? It's easy! I'm so rich I be rockin' rhodiums the size of podiums! At more than seven grand an ounce, its got 'em amazed like Opium!

2) This is also how a wife likes to get nice jewelry. Gifts out of goodness and joy. Not like how Kobe Bryant bought his wife that ring after he got busted with a rape charge. I mean, you get a ring, but ... it's nicer when it's because you're the most awesome spouse ever and you're loved by him and not because your hubby can't keep it in the pants.

Gorgeous hunks of precious metal aside, it's kind of sad that this ridiculous hunk of metal couldn't be a surprise for Mrs. O, but when you're president your business becomes America's business. You know that the ring maker couldn't wait to tell everybody and their grandma and us poor folks can't even buy what they're selling. They just wanted the publicity. That's just how it is.

That said, this news will not help the unfortunate husbands who get the side eye from their wives every time Barack looks at Michelle in an especially revering fashion on television. Getting poked, nudged and in rare cases, catching a bunny slipper to the head, when she opines how you don't look at her like that in public. Why don't you want the world to know you love her as much as Barack loves Michelle? Why, dammit? Why!