Week In Pictures II: Candace Parker Is An Amazonian Goddess For the Espys

Dancers dressed as Tiger Woods, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo

It was time for the ESPN Awards or the ESPY's in Los Angeles, July 16. I love these because they bring together two of my favorite things -- Gorgeous athletes and gorgeous celebrities. Very hot. But the hottest baller of them all was the WNBA's Candace Parker who looked not just gigantic, but mythic, like an Amazonian goddess in her gown and HEELS. I couldn't tell who brought it more fierce, her or Venus Williams, but Candace had it on lock. Also on hand, NBA champs the Boston Celtics, Super Bowl champs the New York Giants and Justin "Some of my best producers are black" Timberlake, as the host. Everyone looked like they had an awesome time.

Boston rocks.

New York rolls.

Justin gets fey.

Broadcasters Robin Roberts and Stuart Scott

Seriously, Candace. Don't hurt 'em. (BTW, that's IRL driver Helio Castroneves dwarfed next to her fierceness.)

And now for the second most fierce athlete of the evening ...

I love this dress on Venus and the shoes were the kinds I can only dream of wearing. She looks both femme and confident. Very polished as the veteran of fierce women in sports at this event.

IRL driver Danica Patrick did not look fierce, which is kind of a hot mess because she's a pretty woman, sexy even when presented in that sort of gross, exploitative light. (See GoDaddy.com's Web page) But this metallic, sleeveless mini dress, yellow snakeskin belt, her concave and/or disappearing boobs plus hunch back slouch are not working for her. Neither is the big Texas poof hair that looks like something Victoria "Posh" Beckham threw out with last year's diamonds. Fortunately she's standing next to Forrest Whitaker, who while a brilliant actor, isn't good looking. It doesn't make her outfit less ugly, but she didn't get as screwed as her fellow IRL driver Helio who had to stand next to a goddess and look like a member of the well-dressed Lollipop Guild.

No she didn't flash the "LA" sign with the Celtics. Fergie, you're a stinker.

Ashanti ... hmmm. I hate the dress.

Snob proximity note: The Lakers' Derek Fisher (who is awesome and pictured above) is married to a St. Louis woman, Candace, and her parents live next door to my parents. This is probably the closest I'm getting to fame -- tangentially.

Click on this pick and tell me what the hell Jessica "The Body" Biel has around her neck. A hot towl? A scarf? A wall molding? WTF is that? And a gray jersey knit top with a black skirt and secretary heels? I expect better from you Jessica "The Body" Biel." You and the other Jessicas sole purposes are to look hot and when you don't look hot you don't just let yourself down, but you let all the other marginally talented hot Jessicas down, like Jessica Alba, who's trying to lose some baby weight or Jessica Simpson, who is giving up on pop and going country. Represent, Jess. Don't just do it halfway because it's a baller event rather than a ball gown event.

And "Private Practice's" Kate Walsh looks amazing as always, (I hate the dress, but she's making it work, like she's some leftover fan girl from "The Mummy" in a mini-skirt) but you know what would make her look better?

A little TO. I'm really digging Terrell Owens' suit here. Nice. Very nice. And he looks really cute. Not douchey at all. Just happy and cute. Stay cute, Terrell!

Nicole Murphy and Michael Strahan are still doing the clash/contrast thing in clothes and looks but I still think they're kind of cute. I'm just happy to see Nicole free after being strapped to crazy Eddie for so long, popping out his chilluns. Plus, Nicole can actually smile in this picture, unlike how she looked at the Kentucky Derby earlier this year where she looked like a bad dental surgery/Botox victim.

Vanessa Minnillo, Lala Vazquez and Tichina Arnold. Lala? The feathered skirt? No. Just no.