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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The A-List Reunion: We did this for you, kittens.

Blink if you understand us.

We SUFFERED through the reunion show last night simply because we knew we had a responsibility to the public to get up the next day and say bitchy things about it on the internet. If we were more attention-seeking types, we would have set up a live cam pointed at us on our couch, watching the show. It would have been a full hour of us sitting, arms crossed and scowling at the screen, with occasional eyerolls and outburst of "Bitch, PLEASE."

The problem with these types of reality show reunions (and Andy Cohen, history will show you to be its greatest monster for inflicting these things on us) is that you have all these venal, attention-seeking people in one room with no editor to piece together an entertaining storyline or to make them look interesting, so what you get is an hour of vapidity punctuated by nastiness.

Since virtually nothing of interest happened (and by "virtually," we mean "absolutely"), all we can muster is bullet points.

* Ryan looked like a drag kewpie doll.

* Reichen really is as dim-witted as he appears on the show.

* Roidney is the smart one in that relationship, which is like saying that Milli was the talented one in Milli Vanilli.

* Derek is a nasty bitch but according to him that's okay because he can admit it. Here's an experiment for you, Derek. Go out and commit murder, then go to the cops, admit it, and inform them that it's okay because you can admit it. No, really. Please go do this.

* TJ is beloved by everyone and should get a show where he drives around the country helping people by saying bitchy things to them.

* Austin is the worst kind of reality show personality: stupid, loud, and self-absorbed. With the extra bonus of alcoholism. He's like the gay Snooki and we're kind of sorry we didn't spend the season calling him Gooki.

*Wendy Williams did a fine job nailing these guys on their behavior but she ruined it by constantly telling them all how much she loved them.

Okay, there are your discussion points. We can do no more. We'll be taking lengthy hot showers and scrubbing with Clorox for the rest of the morning. We hope you're happy.

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