Black, For Your Displeasure: Blackbird, the Negro-Pandering Internet Browser

Did you know there's a new Web browser that's exactly like Firefox, but now all "Negro-ed" up for our pleasure? Yes! Yes there is! And it's called Blackbird! And it is DUMB. Amazingly dumb. Especially considering it is exactly like Firefox only it's black-colored and has some black interest Web sites built into the bookmarks.

Let Adrian Covert of Gizmodo explain:

Wait, why do I need a special web browser? I mean, I get there's been a long standing digital divide between black America and the technological world (controlled by The Man). But do I really need a repackaged piece of software whose name evokes the Jim Crow era?

Maybe 40A, Inc. (the creator of Blackbird) meant well with Blackbird, but it comes off as a lazy marketing ploy that plays on the emotions of people who are (admittedly) still marginalized when it comes to the online world. And playing along with the notion that blacks and whites (or anyone, for that matter) can't enjoy any of the same things, is the same retarded line of antiquated, ethno-centric thinking that the internet is supposed to destroy. Blah.

Blah, indeed!

Nothing like some old fashioned, take an existing product, wrap it in Kente cloth and try to sell it to me scheme! Haven't seen one of those in a while. Just dip the white Barbie in brown paint. No one will even know the difference!

But as long as we're "colorizing" products that are colorless, here are some other product suggestions that could use some blackening up!

• Feminine Hygiene products -- Black women shouldn't have to use products with such Westernized names. Fuck Summer's Eve. Give me Africa's Dawn! I want to smell like the MOTHERLAND every 28 days!

• Fabric Softener -- because Downy is a sell-out softener. Bounce, not as bad, but still kind of supporting the white patriarchy. What about Homey the Fabric Softener? It would have Damon Wayon's face on it. The commercials he could beat the softness into your clothes with that dirty black sock from the old "In Living Color" comedy bit. I'd bet he'd do it for cheap too.
  

• Baby food -- Gerber almost never has a Negro baby on that bottle. Besides, there's no turnip greens, pig's feet or sweet potato flavored baby food. I don't want my baby eating no mashed peas unless it's mashed black-eye peas!

• Condoms -- Black! For her pleasure! Wait. Do "Rough Riders" count as "black" condoms?
  

• Cable TV Packages -- There are too many "white" channels on my basic cable. Where's my special "black package" that comes with nothing but 10 different flavors of BET, VH-1, MTV, ESPN, TV One, CNN, TNT and HBO? And it should have a special version of TV Land that shows nothing but The Jeffersons, Good Times and Sanford & Son. And don't forget my BET Starz where I can watch all 15 versions of Trois, including Trois Goes to the Inauguration: Welcome to The Freaknik of Hope, starring Tyrin Turner and Jill Marie Jones, featuring Wesley Snipes in his BET Starz original film debut as "Rob Johnston," billionaire owner of the Black Broadcasting Network who gives Turner and Henson an "indecent proposal" after getting "four thumbs down" from the President-elect and Mrs. Obama.
  

• Pain killers -- for those racially tinged headaches you get when your co-workers won't stop touching your hair!

• Handguns -- they could come with rapper's endorsements. 50 Cent brand 9MMs. They could come in different colors to match your outfits. Special grips so they stay secure to your sweat pants if you're a certain nightclub hopping, shoot-yourself-in-the-leg football star. They could come bedazzled in diamonds and rhinestones. More bling for your bang! They would practically sell themselves!

• Alcohol -- Wait ... never mind. Ripple, anyone?

Dying For Dollars

There are jobs that people take on, like becoming a police officer, firefighter or soldier, where you know there's a good chance you could die while at work. You know this. Everyone knows this.

That's why there are fund raisers for the families of those who have lost husbands and wives in shootings, fires fights or in Iraq and Afghanistan. They were doing dangerous work that saves and protects people. You could say you can never pay someone enough for that.

Then there are the jobs that aren't worth dying over -- for anyone. Your minimum wage, "not my problem" jobs. Horrible, sometimes hard, sometimes mundane jobs that happen to many people at some point in their lives. There are no benefits. The hours can be brutal. But you need the cash for yourself or your families, so you put up with it. And if someone ever put a gun in your face for the register you give them the cash because -- seriously -- you're not dying for $7 an hour.

But the reality is many people working low paying service jobs do find themselves, unwillingly, in the line of fire and some do wind up dying for simply showing up at work that day. And it is in these tales of ordinary people who get killed working mundane jobs where you learn why and how corporations, and people serviced by them, get their reputations as being cold, soulless entities.

Take the case of Taneka Talley.

In March of 2006 she was stocking shelves at a Dollar Tree in Fairfield, Calif. when a man came into the store and shot and killed her. According to California law, businesses have to pay death benefits to the families of people who lose their lives while on the job, with an exception for employees killed by individuals they have a "personal" relationship with, i.e. spouses who kill their husbands or wives at work. But Dollar Tree contested paying Talley's 11-year-old son death benefits because Talley is black and was killed by a white man who said he was looking to kill a black person that day.

He just happened to choose Talley.

In the eyes of the lawyers for Dollar Tree and their insurance company, that counted as a "personal relationship." That act of extreme racism that lead to murder was tantamount to an abusive spouse executing their not-so-loved one. Now facing a boycott, a court case that they stand a good chance at losing and some extremely ugly press, Dollar Tree is offering to pay the full benefits.

Of course they are. It only took them two years.

In a statement Monday, Dollar Tree said it was acting voluntarily because "we feel this is the right thing to do." But a lawyer for Talley's mother and guardian of her 11-year-old son said the company was clearly responding to the public anger that followed news coverage of the case.

"I think they would like this to be done with," attorney Moira Stagliano said. "The media helped settle this claim."

Stagliano said she's optimistic about resolving the case but isn't there yet. "What they have offered is not quite the full value," and negotiations are continuing, she said. (San Franscico Chronicle)

Then we have the more recent tragedy of Jdimytai Damour, the temporary worker trampled to death on "Black Friday" at a Long Island Wal-Mart.

The store was set to open early at 5 a.m. but not early enough for the shoppers who smashed the glass doors and ran right over Damour to get their discounted Nintendo Wiis and digital cameras.

His death was so profound for Wal-Mart that they had to close for a few hours, but somehow were able to put the grief aside and ... those brave little soldiers ... reopen the store when Damour's body wasn't even cold earlier that same afternoon. Who knows if the other employees working that day even got to grieve in those few hours the store was closed. Never mind the fact that some shoppers refused to stop shopping as Damour's body remained on the floor. Even when the cops asked them to leave they were indignant. They'd been waiting outside all night, after all, and needed to buy their cheap crap. Who cares if someone died in their pursuit of manufactured bliss? He was just a temporary worker with family and friends who loved him and affectionately called him "Jimbo" for short.

Obviously not human.

Or at least not deserving of any dignity and humanity in death. Not when the game of death for dollars is being played in America. Four other shoppers, including a pregnant woman, were also injured in the melee.

Damour's family is now suing Wal-Mart because ... well, who can blame them? They obviously weren't prepared to handle the 2,000 person mob that spelled Damour's demise. Many believe he was placed at the door because he was so big and tall (Damour was 6-foot-5 and weighed 270 pounds), and that his death was a combination of "mob mentality," poor crowd control and Wal-Mart's low, low prices.

(Terry) Hemeyer, who also teaches marketing, public relations and advertising at the University of Texas at Austin, places the onus on retailers to prevent such accidents. He said that throughout history, consumers have been attacking each other to get sale items that are in short supply, even when people are lined up waiting for the doors to open.

Hemeyer, who made a point not to attack Wal-Mart, said if store managers don't understand the "herd mentality," then they are not doing their jobs.

"In other words," he said, "if you do something that the doors open at 8 and that's when the sales start and it's a limited supply, I think that's a formula for a problem because everybody has to be there at the same time." (Houston Chronicle)

Pictures of Damour, a 34-year-old Jamaican, were rarely seen as this story was reported on in the press. Even online it's hard to find an article about him. Most stories focus on Wal-Mart or whether our society is decaying because people are dying for cheap Chinese-made goods at big box retailers. But people have always died working retail. It doesn't happen often, but ask anyone who works at a gas station, liquor store, late night diner or fast food restaurant or 7-11 how they feel about their safety and you'll know that you don't have to be a police officer to face death at work.

I just hope Wal-Mart, which doesn't have the best record on this, does the right thing in Damour's case. If not out of the goodness of the heart I know Wal-Mart doesn't have, out of the the good PR they would get in a time where Wal-Mart is blamed for pretty much ever evil in our society. It's true he was a temporary worker, but he died for their dollars.

Let them know why they should care.

To contact Dollar Tree, click here.
To contact Wal-Mart, click here.

Blog Asks "If Michelle Was White." More Like Could Harold Ford Jr. Get Elected Dogcatcher In Blackland?

The Chicago Tribune's Exploring Race blog has posed the question "What if Michelle Obama was white?" This "well, duh" question has already been explored by most black blogs and the universal answer is that he wouldn't have even been a senator, let alone president.

But they asked anyway, you know, for poops and giggles I suppose and they will likely get some passionate responses (and passionate responses to those responses), but the reality is despite all of our progress in the better acceptance of interracial couples, it's hard to get elected to office when you are a black person married a white person.

Case in point: Former Tennessee Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. who I wrote about earlier this year. A member of our quasi "black aristocracy" (as in he comes from a political family of influence and means), Ford reached prominence on his family name and good looks, then ran a campaign for the senate where he lost by a narrow margin. Some say he was hurt by his religious pandering. Others say he was hurt by a Republican backed commercial that portrayed Ford as a white woman chasing, playboy bunny hound.

Which was kind of, sort of true, but mean/racist because what did that have to do with being a senator? Then Ford married Emily Threlkeld and ALL. KINDS. OF. HELL. broke loose in "Blackland."

Comments from Big Head DC's blog:

"I think he has not given his political career any thought. If he runs for any office again, surely he won’t win. You don’t carry the black vote and marry white. I will never vote for him again."-- Pat, Memphis

"The reason so many blacks are upset is because Harold Ford Jr. has always courted the black vote and black people except when it comes to his marriage. I am sure when he is running for office and goes into the black neighborhoods he will not take his white wife along. This also gives black women the assumption that as black men progress their appreciation of black women decreases. It also gives the impression that they are saying “I have made it and here is my trophy”!!!!!" -- Connie, Memphis

"The only use Harold had for blacks period in the 9th Congressional Dist was votes. After 10 years of his representation we ALL need Anus Reconstruction Surgery. He did a number on us. This young man took Self Serving Politician to a new level." -- Anonymous

And there is this long, over-the-top, angry note which pretty much sums up how well this all went over with some blacks. It essentially accuses Ford of treason, then slaps him around for a perceived slight against Martin Luther King, Jr.:

This couple had the nerve to have their engagement party on MLK’s 40th anniversary marking his assassination in Memphis. This was very disrespectful to the dead leader and to the community. It was insensitive and disrespectful to have an engagement party on this day at all. However adding injury to insult, MLK and his black wife did not make the sacrifices that they did so that well off black men can marry white women as trophies. (Seventy) of black families are being raised by single mothers, which is leading to the deterioration of the country as a whole. Children who are abandoned by their fathers are becoming negative statistics and impacting the entire society. Many black men do not value black women enough to marry them and raise their families, partially due to the after effects of slavery and the medias propaganda that white women are more desirable and should be valued. As a politician this man is supposed to be a role model, by this action he is setting the example that well off black men should abandon their responsibilities to their communities and marry trophy white women who should be valued more than black women. His fiancée is an unattractive woman, with a seemingly mediocre background and would probably never have married an attractive well off man of her own race. So one would get the impression that this is not love, but that he is showcasing a white “trophy” on MLK’s anniversary, which is the height of disrespect and in my opinion shows that he is brainwashed, confused and needs deprogramming. Many people view this marriage as political suicide.

You don't have to be an sociologist or a psychologist to figure out that despite our progress there are a still a lot insecurities in the black community and nothing brings them out more passionately than that shunted feeling black people (especially black women) get when black men who "make it" marry outside their race.

When you're used to getting kicked around it's hard not to take it personal. Even I get that feeling from time-to-time and I like to considering myself pretty egalitarian about the issue. I'm almost two people about it with the logical side of my brain saying people should be judged by their character and can marry whomever they want because their marriage is about them, not me and I wouldn't want someone nosing in my personal business, casting judgment on my intentions.

But my gut wants to strangle Elin Woods.

It's insane because Tiger Woods is not my personal property, so what do I care? Yet I do. This is because I grew up watching black women get unceremoniously dumped all the time. Or seeing them not in the running at all as viable mates. I can't help it. I take it personal, but I temper my response, my logic reminding me that this is NOT about me.

Plus, being a trophy wife isn't exactly an ideal thing, considering a lot of it is hedged on your appearance, but it's the wanting to be desired that gets us. Everyone wants to be desired. Everyone. Especially black women. Hence why being married to a white person, particularly a black man married to a white woman, is a death knell to getting the black vote.

Black women and older black voters make up the bulk of the black vote and they are the ones most likely to not approve due to that giant "I've been personally affronted!" feeling they would have every time they'd see someone like Emily Threlkeld's smiling face. And any smart person running against someone like Ford would use this rift against him, never quite saying he was a sell-out, but would repeatedly question his loyalty to his constituents, arguing that Ford would only serve his own interests, not that of the community.

It just wouldn't work. All things aren't that equal in Blackland yet.

Not that white people are 100 percent comfortable with this notion either. There's a reason why a lot of politicians are as personally boring as possible (straight, married to someone who is not "exotic" in any kind of way, Christian, usually with some kids), because that's what voters what. There are exceptions to the rule (Jeb Bush is married to a Latina -- but then he was governor of Florida, so that probably helped him), but for most politicians the rule of the day is to be married, preferrably within their own ethnicity and religious sect, be Christian, be heterosexual and not to have any kink in the closest that could come out to haunt them.

(Like paid hookers or interns or Euro sex clubs or nasty text messages or cocaine or secret half-black, out-of-wedlock children or male pages or hook-up trolling in airport men's restrooms.)

None of that stuff. Can't have it. Americans are both notorious freaks and prudes all at the same time, hence all the politicians have to at least be able to appear as close to June and Ward Cleaver as possible. People want the fantasy. They will vote for the fantasy.

For many in Blackland, a white woman is simply not part of that fantasy.

When Usher Impersonators Hawk McNuggets

I can't decide if he's parodying anyone specific or simply doing a parody of a parody of a parody about fast food and R&B music videos. McDonald's tends to make amazingly dumb commercials when they are geared towards African Americans (remember "Calvin" getting a job at McDonald's, as later parodied by Dave Chappelle? Or a then unknown Tyrese Gibson singing on a bus? Oops. That was Coca Cola. Or that horrible little kid with the boombox in the "Cha Cha Slide" commercial about the apple dippers? Or anything involving rapping?) This commercial is amazingly cornball, but it's in that catagory of "corny things I love" right now. It didn't make me want to buy any nuggets, but I did find the words "McNugget lovin'" have officially entered my lexicon. Way to go, Madison Avenue!

Can You Guess What the Two Most Popular Baby Names In Kenya Will Be?

Reuters will give you a little hint -- it rhymes with "rock" and "Danielle":

KISUMU, Kenya, Nov 5 (Reuters Life!) - The U.S. election has triggered a new generation of mini Barack Obamas with parents in Kenya and the United States naming their newborns after the new president-elect.

At the Nyanza Provincial General Hospital in Kisumu, western Kenya, Barack's ancestral homeland, several mothers were naming their babies after the U.S.'s first African-American president.

The mothers told Reuters Television that they wanted their babies to grow up to have thesame successful traits as Obama.

"I would like that by the time he is in his 40s he becomes the president of this country," said Nancy Otieno proudly of her newborn son Barack Obama.

Another new mother, Millicent Akoth, named her new daughter Michelle Obama after the soon-to-be first lady.

Obama has been elevated to rock star status in the east African nation which has named a beer, "Senator," after him and where "Obama: The Musical" opened last weekend.

Obama, who was born in Hawaii to a white mother from Kansas and a Kenyan father, is idolised by many Africans in the way the Irish revered U.S. President John F. Kennedy in the 1960s -- as one of their own who succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

Sweet. Totally sweet. And I wouldn't be shocked if a few blacks here in the Americas do the same. The West Indies. All parts of Africa. Blacks sprinkled throughout Europe and the UK. Oh yeah. Some babies are getting named Barack and Michelle. And you know the naming of people and things after the first black First Family, First Couple, First Lady and President isn't going to stop here. My future babies are totally going to Barack Obama High School someday. Word, BOHS is going to have the coolest debate team ever.

David Alan Grier and DL Hughley Have New Comedy/News Shows, Should We Be Frightened?

I guess it would be too much to ask Dave Chappelle to come back.

This doesn't mean that I don't think comedians David Alan Grier and DL Hughley deserve their own shows ...

What am I saying? They're the last two black comics who should have their own shows. Katt Williams should have his own show before these two and I'm not even a fan, so ... seriously cable networks -- Grier and Hughley?

It's not that I didn't think they could pull off a good show. I know they can't pull off a good show. I watched most of Grier's Chocolate News and Hughley's DL Hughley Breaks the News through my fingers.

Both have the ability to be funny in their moments, but I don't think Grier's been funny since he stop directly working with someone for "Wayans" as a last name. And Hughley, to me, has never been funny. I've always found his comedy mean spirited, petty and unimaginative. (But he was really nice that one time I interviewed him for work!) But Comedy Central and CNN did not ask me which black comics would be good at a politically-based comedy show.

(Aisha Tyler, anyone? She's smart and funny. Anyone! Did they even bother calling her? Chris Rock? Steve Harvey? Wanda Sykes? -- Non sequitor: God, I'd LOVE to watch Wanda Sykes do a political comedy show with Aisha Tyler. They could invite Monique and do an all black girl parody of The View. Jasmine Guy could play the Barbara Walters character! Wait ... no one steal my show idea! I have to make some phone calls! -- Marlon Wayans could do a show. Hell, even Sinbad or Arsenio Hall would have been good and both those guys need a second bite at the apple.)

But nope, no one asked me. So this is what we have:

A recent skit from Grier's "Chocolate News" on "Thugs Against High Gas Prices."

A clip of DL Hughley talking to Freddie Mac, not the mortgage giant, but "Ashy Larry" as Freddie the Mac Daddy of Federal Loan Financing.

Both shows are "edgy," and by edgy I mean profane because, really, that's appears to be the only kind of edgy that matters. Grier, while not exactly Eddie Murphy, manages to pull off playing a multitude of characters, but seeing him still makes me think of In Living Color and thinking of In Living Color only makes me wonder if Chocolate News would be more palatable to me if it was Damon and Keenan running the show again? Wouldn't it be better to see seven black performers with a job rather than two? Or to just see all those Wayanses hire themselves to put on a show again? Yeah, "Little Man" was an embarrassment, but I say, c'mon, TV, give them another chance! They can be good again!

As for Hughley's show I was amazed by the "shut your mouth bitches" line from Ashy Larry, if only because I'm watching CNN. It's one thing to be wild and raunchy on Comedy Central, home of everything raunchy in comedy, they have no morals. They show Sarah Silverman with a potty mouth and a bed-wetting problem, South Park and that gross Kenny Versus Spenny thing that I hope to dear God was canceled.

Seeing Grier play a transsexual whose boob keeps popping out is actually at home in that environment. But Hughley is his own island on a network that is primarily about straight news. And it is surreal and painful to watch actual reporters interact with Hughley as opposed to joke reporters like the ones on Chocolate News and The Daily Show. Real reporters are not funny and I image the ones who showed up for Hughley's premiere episode were wondering why CNN was wasting their news gathering time? You work hard, you pound the pavement, you pester sources and you beg your producer for camera time and this is what they give you?

Hughley seems out of place on the network, even if he did get a newsworthy nugget out of yet another defecting Republican, this time former Bush press secretary Scott McClellan who said last week that he is voting for Barack Obama on Hughley's show. I hate to say this, but ... Glen Beck's show made more sense. Now, I don't like Glen Beck and Beck has run off to FOX News, leaving his old gig at CNN Headline News, but Beck was/is supposed to be funny and did a political/news-of-the-day interview show that didn't make me want to drink Drano. It would have made more sense for CNN to find someone not necessarily like Beck, but someone with his basic skills set, like Whoopi Goldberg, Dennis Miller or Lewis Black, heck, Eddie Murphy might do it if you ask nice enough, but someone who has the ability to be funny and can also pull off a decent interview.

Naturally, I wasn't the only person "amazed" by Hughley's show. Dr. Boyce Watkins (and many other critics, primarily black) are pretty much ready to grab the pitchforks and torches and send DL back to the comedy plantation from wince he came.

In the following clip, Watkins shouts out every black comedian as being cool-to-great with the exception of Hughley who he says he's never been impressed by.

"You don't bring a gun to a baby shower. You don't put a liquor sign in a church," Watkins gripes, before getting into the flip side of it, that CNN has had many black commentators and journalists, yet the first African American to get their own show on CNN is DL, a comedian. Watkins name drops Roland Martin, mentioning that he's been on a regular on CNN for a while yet has no show.

Um ... yeah. I noticed that too.

Here's Watkins' rant in full where he declares DL America's latest "nappy headed ho" in reference to statements DL made during the infamous Don Imus/Rutgers Women's Basketball team scandal. (Fast-forward to 1:52 minutes in to skip Watkins rambling about his recent trips around the country.)

Officially, as a lover of the First Amendment and a believer in our often messed up free market economy, I am all for Grier and Hughley getting the same opportunities to humiliate themselves and other black people on television just as countless individuals have done before. Their shows might get better. It might pave the way to Aisha Tyler eventually having her own show, but I'm probably not going to make the point to pencil in Hughley and Chocolate News as must-see-TV unless something revolutionary happens in the writing of the shows. These shows were not made for me.

Which takes me to Watkins' other concern about DL -- that this show, much like CNN's "Black In America" and DL's statements about Don Imus, aren't for or about black people -- that this is humor insulting black Americans to delight a non-black audience. Is Watkins right? Whereas I, the women at What About Our Daughters and Watkins saw something of concern, David Zurawik, a critic with The Baltimore Sun, thought the premiere showed promise.

(I)t looks like CNN could have a winner in its new comedy show, D.L. Hughley Breaks the News. And more important, Saturday night television and its audience could be enriched by Hughley's engaging and non-conventional take on American life -- if the cable channel gives the production time to mature and find its voice.

Is this a case of black Snobs like myself and Watkins being too hard on a pair of successful black comedians or is this yet another case of great for the performer, bad for all of blackness played out in front of a live studio audience yet again?

Fear and Self-Loathing In Black America

Protesters against US Democratic presidential candidate Illinois Senator Barack Obama hold placards while disrupting a, "Women's Rally For The Change We Need" in Coral Gables, Florida. (AFP/Emmanuel Dunand)

My mama always says that all black people need therapy and in some respects she's right.

She's right in respect of the massive inferiority complex black Americans deal with from the day they are born, bombarded with images to reinforce the "black bad, white good" paradigm. From intellect to beauty to passion to charm to grace to femininity to strength to power we are portrayed as the losers, the lessers, the lamented, unable to shake the "beasts of burden" status we were branded with when we got off the boat in shackles. The status that has clung to us like a funeral pall, darkening our view of everything -- even each other -- often bubbling and burning to self-hatred.

That self-hatred is buried so deep that even if your parents try to fight it by educating you about your history, by telling you that you are loved and beautiful, by telling you that opportunities are limitless if you make the effort and reach high, even if they tell you that we are not the losers, the lessers or the lamented, that we are the triumphant, the survivors, the strivers, the heroes of our own lives, there is still a seed of doubt, planted years ago when as a child you wished for a smaller nose, lighter skin, blue eyes, straighter hair and thinner lips.

Where you said you wanted to be a little less black when you really didn't want to be black at all.

That kernel of doubt that made you pine for what you could never have and never be and if not fought against diligently this seed could grow into an all consuming kudzu of hate, suffocating you from the light, obscuring your view, leaving you with a mental illness where you look at the world, the racism, the negativity from the media and even other black people as a cancer.

Some channel this self-hatred into an abandonment of blackness. For others it becomes a paralyzing identification of permanent victimhood. They only know how to operate against racist phantoms, real and imagined, but are frozen when dealing with internal issues, reluctant to "put a brother down" even if they're in the wrong.

For the worst it becomes an all consuming fire destroying out what they think is love. Incineration out of what they believe is the salvation of the race -- masochistically massacring the sinful, damaged black body with a Baptism by matches and kerosene.

This is the story of a man who believes in the theory that we must be torn down to be built up.

On Friday last week Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama gave a speech at rally in Coral Gables, Fla. and he was interrupted by 20 black men shouting "Barack go home," carrying signs reading that "Blacks Against Obama," "Jessie [sic] Jackson hates Obama for Federal Child Support Act," and "Obama is endorsed by KKK."

These men were part of a group, Blacks Against Obama, lead by "Mike the Black Man" aka Maurice Woodside, Maurice Symonette, and Mikael Israel, schooled by former "cult" leader Yahweh ben Yahweh, nee Hulon Mitchell Jr.

Yahweh founded the Nation of Yahweh in 1979. The group "emphasized that God and all the prophets of the Holy Bible were black and blacks would gain the knowledge of their true history through him. He also emphasized whites and particularly Jews as infidels and oppressors."

To become part of the inner circle of the group members had to kill a white person and bring Yahweh a body part (an ear or nose or finger) as proof. Several white vagrants were murdered. In 1992, Several members of Yahweh's church were prosecuted for murder and Yahweh himself was prosecuted under RICO charges and served 11 years of an 18 year sentence, then died in 2007 of prostate cancer.

Mike the Black Man was charged in this case, but acquitted.

Unperturbed by what happened with the Nation of Yahweh, Michael lives on with the new goal of ushering black people from "Demon-crats" and launching into anti-abortion tirades, arguing that that the DNC is a pawn of the Ku Klux Klan.

"(John) McCain's the closest thing to God, so I'm going to go ahead an encourage my people to vote for that guy," Michael told reporters after the protest at the rally, according to a reporter from the Miami New Times.

The reporter, Gus Garcia-Roberts, provided some background on Michael.

In our 2002 story on the tempestuous and racially-charged history of the little village of El Portal, we ran into Michael, who at that time had commandeered an illegal but popular radio show and was lambasting the town's Democratic black mayor, Daisy Black, as a "devil" and encouraging that she be "set on fire".

It all stemmed, it seemed, from Michael's obsessive and Old Testament-fueled quest to convert blacks to Republicanism. He would refer to democrats as "Demon-crats" and "slave masters", and, yes, accuse them all of being in bed with the KKK.

Blacks Against Obama appeared to oppose the candidate for his Democratic Party membership and his Liberal stances on reproductive rights, including being for the right of women to have an abortion. Michael flung out the unfounded statistic that 35 percent of all abortions are of black males.

Image from michaeldefeatssatan.com

As the protesters ranted and the Obama supporters in the crowd railed back I cringed. As some long-time readers my know, I don't always agree with black Republicans but I do agree that alternative views are needed and should be studied and applied in our community. But I winced for every rational black conservative who may be anti-abortion but are loathe to have this self-destructive malcontent braying in front of TV cameras, ripping nonsensical rants for FOX News.

He was a sideshow, a freak who delighted the white gawkers thinking they were getting some inside view into the secret life of black Americans.

I couldn't see anyone wanted to be associated with that, to be included with that vitriol, burned by that oxygen devouring funeral pyre.

On Michael's Web site, Michael Defeats Satan, he gives Obama the mark of the beast, listing reasons why he is the devil and shouldn't be supported, including his support for gay marriage (Obama supports gay rights, but is actually against gay marriage, preferring civil unions.) and abortion rights. (He was also touched by the "devil" that is Oprah Winfrey, another target of his damnation.)

On his site, michaelwarns.com he writes: "Please visit www.michaeldefeatssatan.com for information on Oprah and Obamas destruction of the black race and the rest of the world."

Michael also goes into screeds over women, accusing 33 percent of black woman of being worshipers of the "Devil Lilith" and expressing outrage over women being given the right to vote, saying women outnumber men 40-to-1.

This sounds all the more insane given that as of 2002 women make up a 51 percent majority in the United States. The ratio is a bit larger for blacks with black women making up 55 percent of the black population.

He also has numerous videos and radio commentaries about the issues he rails against.

This is where the hatred leads to lunacy. Any rational argument dissipates in haze of judgment and fevered revelations. How can you take him seriously? How can you take his 20 man protest seriously?

The truth is, no one did.

The print media only did some cursory coverage and cable news was more interested in playing the drama of the event rather than explaining it. Blacks Against Obama was just another blip the cycle, a star in the dope show. Look at the picaninny carnival booing Obama. Gaze at the YouTubed spectacle drowned out by Obama's devoted supporters, black and white. There was nothing deeper to divulge here, yet I wanted to know who and why. I wanted to know if there was something tangible, such as an earlier protest from a group wanting Obama to address more "black" issues. But instead I discovered what Gil Scott-Heron sang years ago.

Home is where the hatred is.

The hatred lives inside of us. It lives in Pastor James David Manning who went on a rant this month about perceived "attacks" on Republican vice presidential candidate Gov. Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter Bristol. Rather than simply call for family members to be off limits, Manning went into a vile diatribe about Obama's white mother being "trash" because Manning's "Mama" taught him that any white woman who was willing to go off with a black man in the 1950s and 60s was trash, the worst of the worst.

The whole rant is offensive on multiple levels, dripping with hatred for Obama, Obama's Kenyan father, gays, the perceived sexual aberrations of black men and white women and media commentators with a heavy focus on the most prurient side of human sexuality. He was obsessed to a near J. Edgar Hoover level of perversion, projecting his own lustful heart onto others he hated.

While most of us won't fester and run like a blister, the roots of self-hatred are there. There is the voice in our heads telling us we are everything "they" think we are. So with the devotion of a true believer we adopt behavior and mannerisms meant to tear each other down in an effort to rebuild someone else in your place.

But when rebuilding out of hate, Lord only knows what monsters could be unleashed, what perversions of blackness could become portents of misfortune and pain.

*Thanks to reader Deidre for the tip and links!

Jada Pinkett-Smith As Michelle Obama?

I get Will Smith as Barack Obama. They both have the ears. Barack has already called Smith out to play him (jokingly) if the Obamas get their "Hollywood Ending" in November.

Both Obama and Smith are tall and Smith is normally a thin guy (when not bulked up for a role.) But Will's wife Jada Pinkett-Smith as Glamazon Michelle Obama? Isn't she, like, two feet too short?

From MTV News:

Thanks to countless blockbusters and a string of #1 hits, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith might very well be the first family of show business. But could the pair — married since 1997 — one day play the real first family?

This past June, Will told MTV News that he'd love to portray Barack Obama on the big screen, after the presidential nominee himself suggested the actor as the most viable candidate. Now Jada is joining her husband's campaign.

"Pencil me in," the "Matrix" star asserted, staking her claim to the role of Barack's wife, Michelle Obama. "I love Michelle [and] would play her any day."

No actual movie about the Obamas exists outside the realm of pure speculation, of course, although it's not hard to imagine that one could eventually be made — especially if powerful players like the Smiths are behind the project.

I mean, from the clavicles up, I can see it. And Jada has the acting chops. But she's about 5 foot nothing on a good day.

That said, Jada reveals herself to be a hardcore Michelle fan, which I can totally relate to.

"I'm voting for Michelle," she laughed. "I'm always telling people I'm voting for Michelle to get into the White House and Obama is just going to follow her lead. She is smart and committed, and I just love her."

Jada is out doing the media rounds because she's, dare I say it, in a movie. A remake of "The Women" where she plays a good friend and a lesbian. I've seen the previews for "The Women" and, possibly against better judgment, I will probably plunk down $10 and watch it. I love Jada, as well as Eva Mendes and Annette Benning.

Debra Messing not-so-much but I don't hate her.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith aren't exactly keeping their Obama playing dreams on the mum as I've heard them talk about it everywhere and to anyone ... even Stephen Colbert. So I'm prepared to see an under-tall Michelle O. on the big screen someday

“I gotta get the rights to the story,” Will told Access Hollywood on Thursday at the premiere of wife Jada Pinkett Smith’s new film, “The Women.” “I’ll make the decision in about two months as soon as he writes the ending.”

But it’s Barack’s wife, Michelle, that Will’s really interested in, Jada revealed.

“He has a crush on Michelle,” Jada said. “That’s his new crush. I gotta watch out because Will Smith loves intelligent women. Beautiful, intelligent women, that’s his Kryptonite.”

Detroit's Thug Mayor Finally Steps Down

Detroit, your long local nightmare is over. Kwame "Lady Killer" Kilpatrick has come to his senses:

DETROIT - Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to felony charges Thursday in a sex-and-misconduct scandal and will step down after months of defiantly holding onto his job leading the nation's 11th-largest city. He was ordered jailed for four months and fined $1 million.

The plea deal brings to an end a seven-months-long ordeal that led to felony charges against Kilpatrick and plunged the city, region and state into political chaos.

As part of the deal, the 38-year-old Democrat is to serve four months in jail and five years of probation. He would pay the $1 million in restitution over the five-year probationary period.

Wayne County Circuit Court Judge David Groner asked Kilpatrick if the mayor understood he was giving up the right to be innocent until proven guilty.

"I gave that up a long time ago," Kilpatrick replied.

I thought this day would never come.

I haven't hid my disgust for Kwame Kilpatrick. Mostly because he's crooked and a jerk and his mistress was the one who got fired while he pranced around in his SUVs and expensive suits, appearing on TV with his wife apologizing for being crooked. Hiding behind his mama, who defended him and almost lost her seat in Congress for it.

But fear not crooked politician fans, as my play cousin AverageBro has described, Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah "Barracuda" Palin possesses her own Kilpatrick-style strong arm policies. While Kwame tried to fire the cop investigating him, revealing those porno text messages I hope to never hear another reporter read out loud again, Palin is under investigation for firing the public safety official who wouldn't fire her brother-in-law. Sarah's living that "Thug Life," as evident in her speech Wednesday night where she tried to put the smack down on Barack Obama without really explaining why she was the right woman for the job.

Who cares! She's thug! That's all that matters! MC Rove nods in agreement. At least with her I can enjoy the thuggery and laugh at it, rather than cringe through Kilpatrick's Suge Knight impressions.

Oh, happy day!

Must Read: "Is Obama The End of Black Politics"

Photo byNigel Parry for The New York Times. From left: Mayor Michael Nutter of Philadelphia; Representative James Clyburn of South Carolina; Representative John Lewis of Georgia; and Representative Artur Davis of Alabama.

Written for New York Times Magazine by Matt Bai and set to run in print on Sunday, "Is Obama The End of Black Politics" is about the concept of post-racial/civil rights politics and the divide between the old guard and the upstart young black politicians of today who feel the old methods and rules on race no longer apply. One story in particular from Elijah Cummings, the former chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus, really drew me into the article. (If you can't open the article, try this second link, here.)

For black Americans born in the 20th century, the chasms of experience that separate one generation from the next— those who came of age before the movement, those who lived it, those who came along after — have always been hard to traverse. Elijah Cummings, the former chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus and an early Obama supporter, told me a story about watching his father, a South Carolina sharecropper with a fourth-grade education, weep uncontrollably when Cummings was sworn in as a representative in 1996. Afterward, Cummings asked his dad if he had been crying tears of joy. “Oh, you know, I’m happy,” his father replied. “But now I realize, had I been given the opportunity, what I could have been. And I’m about to die.” In any community shadowed by oppression, pride and bitterness can be hard to untangle.

This made me think of my great-grandmother who saw her youngest daughter go to college and have a career that she could never have. See the pride my grandparents had in my mother, who made it out of poverty, out of rural Arkansas and also see what was denied to them because of segregation and discrimination. I thought of my parents who watched me live a content and normal childhood, where I never went hungry and everything was already paid for, including college.

My father often remarked that when he went off to college it was a step up because he got his own dresser and didn't have to share a bed with his brother anymore. But for me, a crazy roommate in a tiny room with a communal toilet for the dorm was a step down.

The lengthy article continued to get more and more intriguing with interviews with young black mayors and other politicians, like Mike Nutter, the mayor of Philadelphia who endorsed Hillary Clinton during the primaries and has a complex relationship with his black constituents. Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts is also in the article, bristling at yet another question about Jesse Jackson's "nutcracker" comments.

The piece also gets into the similarity of now to political shifts of more than 20 years ago when Jackson ran for president and black politicians who didn't support him were eventually usurped by younger, more savvy talent. Bai wrote how there was a price to pay for stagnation and impeding the march of history.

This quote from black political pollster Cornell Belcher is particularly telling in the shift of attitude.

“Barack Obama is the sum of their struggle. He’s the sum of their tears, their fights, their marching, their pain. This opportunity is the sum of that.

“But it’s like watching something that you’ve been working on all your life sort of come together right before your eyes, and you can’t see it,” Belcher said. “It’s like you’ve been building the Great Wall of China, and you finally put that last stone in. And you can’t see it. You just can’t see the enormity of it.”

I have been reluctant to criticize my "elders" too harshly, specifically those who actually did sacrifice their bodies and lives for the movement. I've always been willing to be patient with them while at the same time frustrated with the inertia the movement has been in since desegregation. (The article addresses that issue to, specifically in relations to the NAACP.)

There are new problems, serious, dire problems, that aren't being adequately addressed. Too many times Civil Rights activists are wasting time trying to censure shock jocks with mock outrage and guilt-baiting rather than deal with the real outrage that is our high incarceration rate, our crumbling cities, our horrible schools, our lack of jobs, our lack of health care, our rising HIV infections, our low rate of marriage and our high number of children born out of wedlock.

These issues don't involve something obvious like a white person calling us "nigger." But it seems like outrage and action can only be amassed when the magic degrading code words of bigotry are uttered. At some point you have to see that it's time to stop fighting the last war and start developing techniques to fight the new one.

At the same time, I don't like it when people greip that the "old folks" need to step back and let youth take over. It's not that our elders don't need a kick in the pants. They most assuredly do. But it seems foolish to me to throw away our institutionalized knowledge, the representatives of our history. They still have a use. And traditionally, elders are valued for the knowledge when they yield it with skill and patience.

And others aren't trying to slay their grandpas. Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia -- former Klansman, Iraq War hater and, now, ironically, Obama supporter -- has been in the senate since Moses saw the burning bush. Despite his age and love of pork-filled earmarks, no one is trying to euthanize the man because they value what he has built (ironically with government pork). A culture needs it's elders, from Sen. Ted Kennedy to former President Jimmy Carter. Even old coots like Byrd serve a purpose.

Those black politicians who aren't doing a service to their constituency, who are not behaving in a manner that is forward thinking, deserve to be voted out. Voters should give the new man or woman on the block a chance because that is out our system thrives and improves. But I also don't think we should unilaterally throw away these dinosaurs of another era. Even the ones who sound nutters at times (like Jackson or Rep. Charles Rangel of Harlem or former Ambassador Andrew Young.) They still have a use, a purpose. I would hope that both sides would realize that they need one another to reach their goals.

And I would hope that the old generation would relent, celebrate the successes of these young leaders -- who are, after all, the fruits of their labor -- and open up their minds to change.

For more Jack and Jill Politics also wrote about this article.

Yung Berg's Pool Test: The Color Game Remix

Rapper Yung Berg recently said he was a pro-wash-n-wear, anti-"black butt," self-described racist for lighter girls raising the hackles of many. He's an idiot, but he's also more proof that were not going to get past the color issue in black culture if we don't talk about it.

"Young who now?"

It's so hard for The Snob to keep up with the rappers now-a-days. Not so dissimilar from the 80s and 90s when everyone was an "MC" or "DJ" something or other, today everyone's a "Young" or a "Lil'." I get them all confused. They all have neck tats. They all dress like they were gang raped by a Hot Topic and Pharrell Williams. They all rap about how their penis is the most magical, awesome penis in the history of penises. They all disguise disgusting "jump off" freak fantasies and love ballads. (See: "Bust It Baby") They all look like they have mouth herpes. So let's just say, The Snob is not a fan.

The Snob is a fan of men who can conjugate subject-verb agreements. Who are pleasant conversationalists of cool and collected demeanor. Who love their mothers and are respectful of the opposite sex. And have a real name, not some childish nickname, but a grown up name like Keith or Hakeem or Jacob or Wexley. Anything you can actually print on a business card. Hell, I like a guy with a business card. But Young-Lil-Super-Penis? Not interested at all.

That's why I was slow on the up-take when my readers kept trying to drop hints about this Yung Berg character. I was using him in my celebrity photo layout because of how utterly ridiculous he looked (re: Hot Topic sexual assault). People were trying to let me know "the color game" was in full effect mode with this rascal.

He's a little racist, he said? Not down with "black butts?" A "swimming pool test?" For me it was laughable because Berg was breaking one of the Secret Council of American Negroes' Ten Commandments:

Thou shalt not divideth our sisters into "wannabees" and "jigaboos" for purely aesthetic reasons.

I'll give Berg negative two points for honesty in both the sexism and the colorism apparent in that statement. I don't believe his apology. Any man who gets grown on the radio and straight up says light is right wasn't misspeaking. He likes 'em straight and pale. Great. Good to know.

And I'm going to say what countless black women already know -- a lot of men think like this Yung Berg character. A lot. Most though tend to remember the commandment and keep their mouths shut. Even a slight inference for a preference for the Halle Berry end of the spectrum will reward you with side-eyes, death-stares, curses and roots placed upon you. This is largely so because our society has already decided who's beautiful and we are not it.

It's a sensitive issue.

To be routinely told over and over you are not desirable, admirable or a symbol of femininity can be devastating on the ego. A rejection of "baby hair" and brown gel and the fantasy of a woman who looks perfect at all times and farts Chanel No. 5 is essentially a rejection for any black woman who doesn't look white enough.

Since the majority of us can't do anything about not being born named Becky with wash-n-go hair, Berg's statement is a pretty crude thing to throw in the faces of countless black women of all shades.

We were all raised in the same society where the Western ideal of beauty is the most coveted. For all the efforts at self-esteem boosting like "black is beautiful," "I love dark women," "I love dark men," "blacker the berry the sweeter the juice," the struggle in the face of blond ambitions continues. You could put up a buck naked, baby-oiled up, mile-high poster of Naomi Campbell, Djimon Hounsou, Serena Williams and Tyson Beckford and, sure, it would cause traffic accidents on the interstate, there would still be some people thinking, "But what is Zoe Kravitz doing?"

It irritates when black people go into denial about this as if we'd fixed the color issue in 1979, when people are completely divorced from the idea of why they want straight hair or the creep factor surrounding of guys I've met who've asked me to toss my hair around when it was straight. This is some deep seeded pathology and all the Serena Williamses in the world are not going to cure it. As long as the Western standard is the standard, even if it's only the standard in our subconscious minds, people are still going to say foolish things like "swimming pool test."

We should no longer get mad at this sort of ignorance and just call it what it is -- tacky. I have a strong "just date the white woman already" policy for all men who desire light-skinned women then give them hell the whole time for not fulfilling their Aryan allusions, balking at us when we wrap our hair in scarves and being annoyed when we wear our hair natural because we want to give the perm a rest.

I don't hate these men for wanting what they want. They get their negative two points for honesty as well. Now please, go date the white woman. Stop making us brown skin and lighter women miserable. I already knew I didn't want Young Berg before he opened up his mouth, but now that he has, what have black women actually lost here? Getting this fool out of the gene pool is a net gain. I wish more people were honest about it so we could actually discuss the issue and get some of the pathology worked out for the sake of our children. I don't like to see little black girls and black boys growing up thinking Heidi Klum is the prototype. Yes, she's gorgeous, but a lot of other women are too. There needs to be an expansion in our definition of beauty.

We also need to get to a point where we can talk about who and what people find attractive without being accused of being a colorist (or worse yet, a sell-out). Now Berg straight up embraced colorism even going so far as to call himself a "racist," so he doesn't count, but not every black man or woman who is dating or married to a different ethnicity or a partner much lighter than them is a self-loathing hater. We don't need to over compensate for the lack of dark love by hating on pale people. There was a period when I was in college where people looked at me like I was insane for finding Allen Payne attractive when dark skin men were in style.

My reaction:

One, ew, I don't believe in treating people like fetishes. If dark is "in style" that implies it could go out of style and good looking should never go out of style.

Two, they completely ignored the naked Tyson Beckford calendar I owned.

I feel pretty secure in my love of all things Negro so I'm fine with saying Keanu Reeves is hot and that Russell Wong could get it almost any day of the week, but it does irritate me when people make inferences that because I love incognegro actor Wentworth Miller and the green-hazel-eyed TJ Holmes I must have black man issues. (I do possess an inappropriate love for Isaiah Washington and have only the most longing and prurient desires for actor/musician Leon but Hollywood doesn't present me with an abundance of photography of them like it does for Miller.) The Snob has always loved "the spectrum," not just a solo shade. I don't think you have to ignore how delicious Daniel Sunjata or Lisa Bonet is to make up for the lack of dark love in popular culture. You can embrace both, boost both and use them as examples of the variety of beauty within black culture.

Much like having a perm doesn't mean you're a bougie sell-out, sometimes saying you think Jennifer Freeman is hot is just about Jennifer Freeman being hot. Leave out the litmus tests for racial pride and focus on the actions, or in this case, words, of individuals who are unabashed in their "no pressing combs need apply" standard of beauty.

There's nothing wrong with loving any part of black beauty. It's the hate that has always been the problem.