SNL Goes B-A-N-A-N-A-S With John McCain, Keith Olbermann, Tina Fey, Ben Affleck, The View and more

I don't know if taking time out for Saturday Night Live in the middle of a heated campaign was a smooth move for John McCain, but it was a hilarious move.

Reliving some of his SNL glory days, John McCain did a great parody of John McCain (including the nervous blinking, but I don't think he was doing that on purpose), with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, perfect as ever ... going rogue by threatening to never leave the national stage. It's either the White House or "the white Oprah." Brava and bravo, Fey and McCain.

McCain was also pretty good on the Weekend Update segment introducing new political moves like "The Double Maverick" and "The Sad Grandpa" in which he said the strategy was to whine that Obama would have plenty of chances to be president and it was McCain's turn. Once again, what will SNL do once this is all over? The comedy show will be doing a special election episode on Monday on NBC.

The show also had some fun at MSNBC's Keith Olbermann expense. The sketch was a bit wordy and ran long (just like My Fair Keithy). It was also more than eight minutes and starred the evenings co-host Ben Affleck who kept cracking himself up while trying to shout all his lines. It eventually hit the funny button hard when Affleck did a cheesy send up of Olbermann's sometimes self-righteous "Special Comments" by making it about him trying to get a three bedroom apartment that wouldn't take him because he owned a cat. A fluffy, white, fey as all get out, cat.

There was even a sketch of "The View" and while it wasn't as good as the above three, if you closed your eyes Kristen Wiig's Elisabeth Hasselbeck was so good it was horrifying. Fred Armisen's Joy Behar was both right and wrong and one-dimensional and Joy's not that bad. As for Kennan, your Whoopi sucked, but you're the only black person on the show. I guess you can only do so much with what they give you. And Casey New Girl What's Your Face? That was a Jennifer Aniston parody? Was that the ONLY celeb they could think for you to do (or the only celeb you could do)? Lame, new girl. Very lame.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Leaving The View? No! That'll Only Give Me Sherrie to Make Fun of!

From OMG!'s Goddess Celebrity Moms blog:

"The View's" Elisabeth Hasselbeck is reportedly "really upset" about the recent political discussions (i.e. the upcoming presidential election) that have been taking place on her daytime gab fest. As the lone Republican on the talk panel -- not to mention the youngest -- she just can't seem to win against her loud, liberal counterparts Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg.

While tensions are high on set, a "View" staff member told the Chicago Sun-Times that things aren't as bad as they were during the Rosie O'Donnell era. Still, it's bad enough that Barbara Walters has set up a "cooling off" meeting for her ladies.

Rumor has it that Elisabeth may even be leaving "The View" to host her own program on the FOX News Channel, where she can be with her own "kind" ... and not have to face off with Joy and Whoopi on a daily basis! That sort of makes me sad. Although I think Hasselbeck often comes across as being out of touch, uninformed, and immature, I must admit that the outspoken 31-year-old makes for some good television

Personally, I can't stand Elisabeth when I actually sit through forced viewings of "The View." But if Miz Liz is down because she's the only conservative on the show, I have to admit, they did put her in a damned awkward situation. I'm no conservative, but would it have killed them to have hired another center-right person with an insane personality? You know? Instead of Sherrie Shepherd who is certifiable? I mean, Hasselbeck is just alone out there and half the time she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about. The woman needs some back-up.

And you know who I'm about to suggest.

Amy Holmes. Hire Amy Holmes, dammit! I don't agree with her either, but I actually like Amy and she's more coherent and able to get a point across than Elisabeth. She could fill in those Grand Canyon sized gaps Liz leaves when trying to make a futile point against the more dominate Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar. Plus, this would also make it a fair fight.

And if you don't want the severe bitchatude of Holmes. Can I suggest Michelle Bernard, the more palatable (but not as insane) black center-right punditress? Once again, she can actually formulate a decent answer and she's interesting.

And both Holmes and Bernard are good looking, so seriously, what's the problem? They're just slumming it in pundit land anyway. Or if you don't want another conservative, how about a Libertarian? An independent? A communist? Something. Variety is the spice of life, Barbara Walters! Keep your show peppered with more diverse insane people. But not Sherrie insane. That shizz is just embarrassing.

Sidenote: According to Defamer.com they "girled" Whoopi up on the show for a week. I don't know how to feel about this. I mean, she liked dressing butch. That was her thing, but she looks nice all tarted up, so good for her. I think.

This week on The View, Whoopi Goldberg has been cajoled into throwing caution to the wind and "dressing like a girl" (as Joy Behar so delicately put it). Yes, you read that correctly. Whoopi, whose style has been fondly described by our own Molls as "lesbian train conductor" chic, is trading in her Crocs and oversized collared shirts for Eileen Fisher dresses and patent red leather heels. Sure, she looks good. But her patronizing co-hosts are acting like a proud mother whose little Sally shed all that "baby fat" after being force-fed Nutrisystem for five months. "Look at you, girl, you're wearing a skirt!" cries Babs. "You're so sexy and hot, girl," chimes in Sherri. Gee, you can see Whoopi thinking, did I look that bad?

Goldberg returned to pants this week.

The Sick of Sarah Palin Club (No Palins Allowed!)

Are you suffering from Sarah Palin media blitz fatigue? Do you tire of commentators and Palin fans not admitting how batshit insane, pandering and irresponsible her selection is? That with just our rotten luck John McCain will win and pull a William Henry Harrison leaving us with this person as our national nightmare babysitter?

Quelle horror!

Because I don't know about you, but when I see a picture of Palin, I think of this woman.

She's a coherent version of Elisabeth Hasselbeck! Run!

I share your feelings and so do countless others. Like my friend, writer/author Cintra Wilson who recently wrote the most deviant, rude, not-politically-correct, slam book-style column on Palin for Salon.com. People are complaining that it's sexist and mean, but ... that's kind of the point. John McCain picking Palin WAS sexist and mean to anyone who had common sense.

Some choice lines:

As a woman who does not believe what Palin believes, the thought of such an opportunistic anti-female in the White House -- in the Cheney chair, no less -- is akin to ideological brain rape. What this Republican blowup doll does with her own insides in accord with her own faith is her business. But, like the worst and most terrifying of religious extremists, she seems very comfortable with the idea of imposing her own views on everyone else.

And this next sample -- just tellin' it like it is.

The Republicans are, in effect, saying: We're not going to win this race on the basis of being the better candidates. Barack Obama is going to make you think. You don't like thinking. Here's an It Girl vice president who is easy on the eyes, you stodgy old white baby boomer. She's like a grown-up version of Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island." She embodies the raw conviction that everything the Republicans have ever done has been right. She'll make you feel better about yourself for voting for Bush. Twice.

Relax: The war is God's plan. (Or whatever.) Women, even if they are vice president, can always look pretty, worship their husbands in the fear of God and never, ever resist invasions from unwanted sperm.

And my favorite line:

Sarah Palin may put out to be popular, but the rest of America's women don't need to do the same.

To read the whole column, click here.

Some other folks insulted -- the legion of women at Women Against Sarah Palin.

Hearkening back to the proto-feminists of the Women's Suffrage movement, these ladies are non-too-happy with the Republican Party thinking women vote with their vaginas. They find the whole notion of Sarah Palin: Feminist Icon as a rude farce considering she's almost anti-everything in the grand feminist manifesto.

Checkout their paeans of pissed-off-ness:

I am appalled at the thought of Sarah Palin in the No. 2 spot in this country. McCain says he wants 'change,' but his downright hypocrisy in choosing her is shining through. McCain has finally, openly, shown his disdain for the intelligence of the American woman, and surrendered his vaunted maverick title to the Bush/Cheney/Rove ultra-Conservatives.

Does McCain really think that the women of America will vote for a Sarah Palin who agrees with those policies and worse, just because she's a woman???

-Portia D. (I'm 76, and thought I'd seen the worst in all these years. Wrong!), Staten Island

I oppose Sarah Palin because she is John McCain's running mate. John McCain, the man who laughed when one of his supporters called Hillary Clinton a b*tch. The man who has promised to nominate extreme right-wing judges to the Supreme Court. It doesn't matter what Sarah Palin stands for (though in fact she stands with McCain on these issues), because you wouldn't be voting for Palin for president, you'd be voting for McCain.

-Janet L., 44, Palo Alto, CA

You're not alone, snobs. Sensible people of the world cry tears of WTF with you. This is where the healing begins.

The N-Word Makes Elisabeth Cry

My good friend the Negro Intellectual sent this to me this morning and I had two reactions to this um ... heated weepy discussion of the dreaded "N-word:"

1) Sometimes I think this debate would go a lot easier if black people would just explain the "N-word" as being what it is, a racially charged curse word. Often (black) people leave the impression that all black people are "OK" with it when in my own household my mother has never used it and forbade us to use it. At the same time my dad and his brothers do use it amongst each other. I was always taught it was a "use at your own risk" word. Sort of like dropping the "C-word" or "fuck" in people's presence. There's a time and a place and sometimes there is no time and no place, but when you say it, you're responsible for it and whatever reaction you get -- good or bad. So white people can say it. Black people can say it. Just be prepared to face the consequences.

2) I actually started laughing when Elisabeth Hasselbeck started crying. I think (she cried) because this isn't an issue can be dressed up with kittens and rainbows. It involves complex, deep drama that can't be worked through in 45 minutes on Dr. Phil. They want to be "done" with the issue of race and wonder why-oh-why can't we just be free, hug a tree and be all "the same" already, because she's there. She's cool! She's totally post-racial! What's your problem? But then there was the whole not realizing that saying "we're the same" and us actually being "the same" are two entirely different things. It think it's a combo of guilt and frustration because she knows she doesn't get it, but doesn't want to go down that scary path to finding out what the "real" problem is.

Crying over shit like this is a cheap way to show you care or that you take it seriously when you're really just crying because you think people are "picking" on you. It's a sort of luxury only white women of a certain caliber can afford. Mainly, non-poor, young and attractive white women. If you're an unattractive, old, broke white woman or if you're a non-white woman and you have the nerve to cry, no one gives a shit about you. No one feels sorry for you. No one tries to help you understand. Elisabeth is just using the tools given to her to demonstrate that she's a "good white person." Not one of those bad white people who teaches their children to hate us darkies. Her tears were trying to tell you that.

If Sherrie had started crying, everyone would have given her the "what is that bitch's problem?" face, as people are immune to black women's tears. Even if we're crying over something legitimate like our sons dying in unnecessary street violence, our elderly mothers drowning in Katrina, having our kids taken away, being rejected by our families or communities, getting our heart broken. SUCK IT UP, BLACK WOMAN! No one cares if you cry! I think I was that rare black girl who's parents allowed to be a "giant girl" and just cry over things from time to time. I wouldn't have cried over whatever Miz Liz's problem was ("Everyone is being so mean when I am a beacon of tolerance! Rodney King was right, ya'll! Why can't we all get along!"), but as I said before, those tears were for herself and wanting to demonstrate that she was not one of "those" white people, but an understanding one who hates the N-word and would never, ever use it.