SAY IT TO HER FACE, Les Bitches! You All Failed, Not Just the 'Alaska Disasta'

The Black Snob's one (and only) defense of Gov. Sarah Palin. Governor, you're welcome in advance.

Palin was apparently a nightmare for her campaign staff to deal with. She refused preparation help for her interview with Katie Couric and then blamed her staff, specifically Nicole Wallace, when the interview was panned as a disaster. After the Couric interview, Fox News reported, Palin turned nasty with her staff and began to accuse them of mishandling her. Palin would view press clippings of herself in the morning and throw "tantrums" over the negative coverage. There were times when she would be so nasty and angry that her staff was reduced to tears. (From the notes of FOX News Chief Political Correspondent Carl Cameron, Huffington Post)

Stop, anonymous McCain heads and Monday morning quarterbacking Republican pundits.

Just. Stop.

You know what I'm talking about.

Stop bashing Miss Wasilla, Sarah Palin, aka "Caribou Barbie." Yeah, yeah. During the election we all had our fun and our Tina Fey impressions and our "I can see Russia from my house" joke variations. All that was great. But to listen to the "anonymous" Round Robin of McCain insiders who say everything from she didn't know Africa from country or contintent to she couldn't name the members of North American Trade Agreement to that she used her status to become a "Wasilla hillbilly looting Nieman Marcuses from coast to coast" is ... how can I but this? In really, really, really poor taste. Harping constantly about how she pushed to speak on concession night andrefused to cram the night before her "big exam" with Kaite Couric says to me you are throwing poo because you want no one to look at you.

Some of the leaks are just catty. Like telling the press she once answered her hotel door in a towel and wet hair, also in a towel. What the hell does that have to do with her being a nightmare candidate? What is that supposed to imply? That she's immoral because she answered a door in a towl? That she's undignified? Wasn't that 90 percent of her appeal for the base? The fact that she was ... ahem ... "real?"

This "Sarah Palin was an ignorant, ungrateful $2,500 borrow suit coat wearing bitch" attack meme is not working on me. Even with a GOP lawyer dispatched to the frozen tundra to take back that expensive packaging and window dressing called designer suits and shoes.

You do realize, Anonymous McCain staffers when you point a finger three more point back at you? That in doing this you are further more soldifying the fact that it was, as John McCain said in his concession speech, his own failings which brought about the loss. One of those failings was Sarah Palin, a women he'd only met twice before offering her the job. It was he who picked this Nieman Marcus grifting Hillbilly who allegedly didn't know diddly about squat. "Country First" was the slogan. Who's country came first when McCain picked the alleged ignoramous, one we were repeated told was the future of the Republican Party the past two months?

These same staffers protected, defended and lied for her when the left pointed out and mocked her flaws. But when the loss hit and hit hard instead of looking within and finding their own mistakes, they've gone feral, launching the malicious, sexist attacks many accused lefties of once pulling. You have chosen this instead of going "maybe we could have responded faster to the financial crisis? Maybe 'suspending' the campaign looked like grandstanding? Maybe we did a poor job of explaining 'why McCain' while shouting 'Nobama?' Maybe we had no coherent strategy? Maybe we never knew or understood how to handle the race issue or Obama's rock star status -- other than bitch about him being a 'celebrity?' Maybe we ran McCain's campaign into the ground? Maybe he ran his campaign into the ground? The man wouldn't even work on weekends. Maybe it was because all we had were stunts and tactics but no real transformative ideas? Maybe Obama's digital and we're analog? Maybe Obama's a Mac and we're a PC? Maybe we suck?"

And if they'd ask themseves these questions they would know the truth.

You're a bunch of sour losing sons-of-bitches who, rather than be introspective and use this time to figure out where the hell you went wrong, chose to blame the bitch, the oldest routine in the book. You've already branded Palin with a scarlet letter "C" for campaign wrecker when -- j' accuse! -- It was you, all of you, McCain from the top down, complicit in this catagory five failure of temperment and judgment. The people wanted change. You couldn't offer it so you simply ripped off the word and started calling yourselves "the Original Mavericks." You went narrow when you should have made a play for the center. You picked up lame attacks that made little to no dent once the defening sound of the housing crisis imploding and Wall Street crashing came down.

Palin may have gone off script, been opportunistic, been a dim bulb, but it was the McCain campaign who was paraded her around like their new prize pony. Who sprung her from obscurity to infamy. Then you get mad because the prize pony is a "maverick" and just does "whatever." She doesn't read things. She's out for self. As I said before. If I was the lummox, I would be too. As repellent as I found her views, she was being used by the McCain campaign to ignite a recalcitrant base, and they got that.

They just lost everyone else.

That's how gambling works, McCain and anonymous McCain staffers. When you throw the die and it comes up snake eyes you don't curse the dice. You gave fate a roll and she bum-rolled you, Rick-rolled you, sushi rolled you. As The Stranger said in The Big Lebowski, "Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, he eats you."

The "bar" just fucking ate you because of your incompetence. Deal with it! Get therapy!

And McCain? To stand silent while your running mate's legend as a moron increases is really classy, and I say "classy" as in not classy at all. It reveals your true character. Are you that compassionate, magnanimous loser from Tuesday night or are you the son of a bitch who can't say, "Knock it off, people I hired! We lost! Sarah's flawed, but the blame is shared and the bulk of it lies with me." But instead we get ... silence.

I thought she was was ready to be your vice president, Johnny Mac? I thought she was your "soul mate?" Yet there you are in the busted "Stray Talk Express" pretending to look the other way as your staffers hogtie her to the ground so you can accidently run her over a few times.

Yes, she's cocky. Yes, she's a know-nothing. But she was YOUR know-nothing. You picked the Alaska disasta.' She was your one real chance to show your executive decision making ability and you came up craps. Well, tough titty, Senator. Stand up, stand behind, stand somewhere on your decisions. Admit that it's not her, it was you. Even if you hate her. Even if you wouldn't talk to her for most of those two months. Even though you both could read the writing on the wall. You wanted your pitbull in a skirt. You wanted this dinner of regret and crow, knowing now you will never be president, knowing you were destroyed by your own bad decisions on top of the failures of the Bush Administration and hundreds of other Republican politicians and operatives.

Invite your little bitter ones to your royal feast and tell them all to shut the hell up. While making Palin look bad, they are making themselves and their former boss look ever more the worse.

Personal responsibility shouldn't just be a political catchphrase every four years. Learn it. Love it. Live it. Practice what you preached, Republicans. Show. Don't tell.

ELECTION DAY!!!!!!

Diddy Combs at a Last Chance rally in Florida he hosted with Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige.

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! OR DIDDY WILL KILL YOU! (And possibly Jay-Z ... and yeah, probably me and a majority of The Black Snob's readers. Really. We're not fucking around. Vote. And don't bother asking "who." YOU KNOW WHO!

"The Great Hope Mongerer!" "Hopey McChangey!" Sasha and Malia's daddy!

Don't you want Sasha and Malia's daddy in the White House? Look at their faces! How can you say no to those faces!?!?!

And Michelle Obama (here campaigning her ass of in Colorado yesterday), are you going to DENY her the right to become the full-fledged style, aspirational, successful, talented, smart black woman icon she rightly deserves to be as First Lady? And don't get me started on my dear Hopey McChangey himself, Barack Obama. He's brilliant. He's cool under pressure. He gives a rat's ass about the po' folk (that's all that unfaithful bastard John Edwards asked for when he endorsed him).

And he's going to attempt what has never been done -- fix the healthcare system in the US. And he's not John McCain and those are the official Snob reasons why I'm voting Obama. Obama's bringing the smart back and I'm all for it. End every playground diss of a black nerd. That could be the next Barack or Michelle Obama so STFU, bratty children! You too, overtly negative yet gleefully ignorant black people! All that's over. I'm officially declaring the war against ourselves done. Let's go to war over something meaningful: like making sure our votes get counted by any means necessary. Don't worry about your parking tickets and warrants, people. Or if your home is foreclosed. GO VOTE! THE VOTE KILLERS ARE LYING TO YOU! If you go vote all that will happen is voting. I promise.

And man, I wanted to write something beautiful and meaningful about today, but ... I'm too full of LET'S DO THIS THING! More meaningful perspective later today (along with regular updates after 4 p.m.) on this historic election that is the biggest thing to happen since 1968.

SNL Goes B-A-N-A-N-A-S With John McCain, Keith Olbermann, Tina Fey, Ben Affleck, The View and more

I don't know if taking time out for Saturday Night Live in the middle of a heated campaign was a smooth move for John McCain, but it was a hilarious move.

Reliving some of his SNL glory days, John McCain did a great parody of John McCain (including the nervous blinking, but I don't think he was doing that on purpose), with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, perfect as ever ... going rogue by threatening to never leave the national stage. It's either the White House or "the white Oprah." Brava and bravo, Fey and McCain.

McCain was also pretty good on the Weekend Update segment introducing new political moves like "The Double Maverick" and "The Sad Grandpa" in which he said the strategy was to whine that Obama would have plenty of chances to be president and it was McCain's turn. Once again, what will SNL do once this is all over? The comedy show will be doing a special election episode on Monday on NBC.

The show also had some fun at MSNBC's Keith Olbermann expense. The sketch was a bit wordy and ran long (just like My Fair Keithy). It was also more than eight minutes and starred the evenings co-host Ben Affleck who kept cracking himself up while trying to shout all his lines. It eventually hit the funny button hard when Affleck did a cheesy send up of Olbermann's sometimes self-righteous "Special Comments" by making it about him trying to get a three bedroom apartment that wouldn't take him because he owned a cat. A fluffy, white, fey as all get out, cat.

There was even a sketch of "The View" and while it wasn't as good as the above three, if you closed your eyes Kristen Wiig's Elisabeth Hasselbeck was so good it was horrifying. Fred Armisen's Joy Behar was both right and wrong and one-dimensional and Joy's not that bad. As for Kennan, your Whoopi sucked, but you're the only black person on the show. I guess you can only do so much with what they give you. And Casey New Girl What's Your Face? That was a Jennifer Aniston parody? Was that the ONLY celeb they could think for you to do (or the only celeb you could do)? Lame, new girl. Very lame.

McCain to Appear on SNL This Weekend

Hey! I didn't know New York was a battleground state!

From Gawker:

Senator John McCain will appear on the popular "sketch comedy" television program Saturday Night Live this weekend. McCain hosted the show in 2002, so he's no stranger to their fun-loving antics. The only difference is that this time out, McCain is, we're told, running for president, and the election is on Tuesday. So, sure, hanging out in New York City sounds good, why not. Barack Obama was rumored to be considering an appearance too, but it seems like he might spend the weekend before the election campaigning in swing states?

Personally, I would be obsessively hitting western Pennsylvania and Ohio trying to flip those states in my direction, not chatting it up with Lorne Michaels and Seth Myers, but I'm not going to tell McMaverick how to do his McMavericking. He's obviously a professional at pulling jack moves. And since the Obama Campaign has decided to show NO MERCY and start airing ads in Georgia, North Dakota and McCain's own backyard of Arizona, it's Murderball out there, people! Make your own rules!

That said, what is SNL going to do with this election is over? The race for Commander-In-Chief of What Bush Broke will be dunzo in a matter of days. They'll have to go back to relying on Paris Hilton and Laser Cats -- and maybe it's my ovaries, but I don't find Laser Cats funny at all.

Jon Stewart on the "O-mercial"

Lovin' the Richard Pryor movie reference. Very nice.

The Riggle Sanchez Gets A Goat By the Throat

Normally I can't stand Rick Sanchez's 2 p.m. show on CNN because it is all over the place, no one talks for longer than 30 seconds on any given subject and it gives me seizures to see him bounce from "Twitter" board to "Facebook" page, all which seem too informal in a news setting. But even CNN's own personal Latino Rob Riggle does something Snob-worthy once-in-a-while and this, sir and/or ma'am, is it.

That McCain flack didn't know whose show he just stepped into, just making shizz up in front of Rob ... I mean, Rick Riggle ... I mean ... Rob Sanchez, I mean ... The Riggle Sanchez don't PLAY that! You start naming names when you slander, Mr. McCainiac. NAME NAMES! No we don't know who you are referring to! (Via The Huffington Post)

John McCain As Rodney Dangerfield

He can't get no respect! The man with the nom de guerre "Joe the Plumber" was a no show at a John McCain rally Thursday not helping Senator Walnut Cheeks on bit. CNN's The Situation Room reported the campaign had the crowd all hyped because Sam Wurzelbacher, aka "Joe the Plumber" was supposed to be in the audience. But he wasn't. In fact he was a complete no show because:

A) He canceled on the campaign and McCain's aides didn't get the news to Johnny Mac in time

B) The campaign never confirmed with Wurzelbacher about him being at the rally

Wurzelbacher, according to CNN, put it all on the McCain campaign, claiming they asked him about it, but never followed up. When the staff tried to fix things by arranging for Joe to attend a later rally, Wurzelbacher shut-in-down, miffed about his name being brought up at the earlier rally when he was not there. But all the kinks were worked out in the end, and Wurzelbacher and McCain eventually shared the stage for the same time.

Did I ever mention how insanely dumb I think all this Joe Plumber/Wurzelbacher stuff is? Never mind ...

Considering that Joe is doing everything from flacking (poorly) on FOX News for McCain to possibly cutting a country album, Joe is pimping his 15 minutes to the max.

“Joe” — aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, a Holland, Ohio, pipe-and-toilet man — just signed with a Nashville public relations and management firm to handle interview requests and media appearances, as well as create new career opportunities, including a shift out of the plumbing trade into stage and studio performances.

On Tuesday, Wurzelbacher joined country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin to form a new partnership that includes booking-management firm Bobby Roberts and publicity-management concern The Press Office to field the multiple media offers he’s received over the past few weeks. (Politico)

Whoo, boy, said Sarah Palin to herself, who's the diva now?

But Jon Stewart tried to warn his ol' friend Sen. John McCain about plucking random folks from obscurity and making them surrogates.

The Economist Endorses Obama

Apparently the magazine didn't get the memo on Barry being a "spread the wealth," socialist, anti-capitalist red. Shame when that happens. Obviously McCain Campaign flack Tucker Bounds is not doing his job in getting the smears out n' stickin'.

From The Economist:

(T)his cannot be another election where the choice is based merely on fear. In terms of painting a brighter future for America and the world, Mr Obama has produced the more compelling and detailed portrait. He has campaigned with more style, intelligence and discipline than his opponent. Whether he can fulfil his immense potential remains to be seen. But Mr Obama deserves the presidency.

This doesn't mean The Economist is in love with Obama. They're concerned about how he'll handle the Congressional Democrats if they start pushing protectionist economic policies and acknowledge that he doesn't have a lengthy resume to do extensive tea leaf readings on. But like many members of The George Will Revolt, The Economist's editors couldn't get over how different the John McCain of 2008 was from the John McCain of 2000. And Gov. Sarah Palin? She almost made them spit up their blackberries and brie.

The choice of Sarah Palin epitomised the sloppiness. It is not just that she is an unconvincing stand-in, nor even that she seems to have been chosen partly for her views on divisive social issues, notably abortion. Mr McCain made his most important appointment having met her just twice.

The Republicans really left them with no other choice ... and somewhere Mitt "Mittens" Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, is rubbing his hands together, prepared to pull the lever for Obama -- not because he likes the candidate (Heavens no!), but to make sure it's his economic phoenix who will emerge from the ashes of what he hopes will be a crash and burn one-term presidency to give The Economist the free market, ship your jobs to China, lower your tariffs and raise your dividends, lover candidate she deserves in 2012.

Now he just has to get that woman out of the way.

Obama on The Daily Show

In case you missed it ... more Obama from the All Obama, All Day Show yesterday where Barack managed to be everywhere in Florida at once, got all "we are soooo awesome together" with former President Bill Clinton at a midnight rally, got his infomercial on seven networks, then went live from the infomercial seamlessly, THEN went on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to crack a little wise and Friday he'll be on The Situation Room with the Wolfman?

Breathtaking.

Oh, and in case they revised it some, this was the official statement from the McCain Campaign via Tucker Bounds on Obama's commercial immediately after it aired Wednesday night:

As anyone who has bought anything from an infomercial knows, the sales-job is always better than the product. Buyer beware.

Awesome. Does this mean all McCain's ads are lies too? Awesome. Thanks, Tucker. Glad to know you couldn't find anything wrong with the commercial either.

Madame Tussauds Puts the Candidates On Wax

Interesting, but will Madame Tussauds of London's wax Barack Obama be as handsomely creeptastic as this one I reported on earlier in the year?

Eerily hot.

Obama's "Variety Half-Hour" Is Tonight

Plus alternative viewing suggestions for the Obama adverse

Once again Barack Obama is raising the chorus of "just who does he think he is" with his latest bit of political gamesmanship.

"No one will delay a World Series game with an infomercial when I'm president," McCain told voters in Pennsylvania, appealing to Phillies fans backing their team in the championship. Fox, scheduled to air the World Series tonight, agreed to delay the game by 15 minutes for Obama's program.

He'll be on a television network near you telling you why he's gonna be your man. Will it be flashy? Will it be moving? Will it be just him talking? Will there be special effects? What's the point in being Tinsletown's candidate of choice if you can't whip out the big cinematic guns? He's already blowing millions on air time. No point in going cheap.

John McCain is doing his McGrumpypants grumbling about how he'd never and this is so presumptuous and blah, blah, blah ... who cares? Everyone knows this is about who has money and who doesn't. Who's on top and who isn't. Just because your opponent won't politely lie down and choke to make up for your shortcomings is no excuse to walk around looking like Mr. Yukmouth. I mean, bringing up some Palestinian American college professor at the 11th hour? One who A) isn't a terrorist, B) hasn't done anything and C) may have been critical of the government of Israel? I have a newsflash: People in ISRAEL are critical of Israel. Are we going to bomb Israel now for not being pro-Israel enough?

That said, I'll be watching Barack tell me what I like to hear, but what if you're not interested in reruns? After all, I'm going to guess that more than 99.9 percent of Snob readers already know who they're voting for and Barack could come on TV with dancing girls riding a unicycle, healing the blind, spitting out $100 bills like an ATM while Bill Clinton dances the ol' soft shoe and you'd still yawn and go "AGAIN? Sigh. I already saw Barack raise the dead and cure lepers in Denver last week!"

So here are some 30 minute programming alternatives for people who DON'T plan on watching The Barack Obama: Hope for A Change Variety Half-Hour at 7 p.m. CST (8 p.m. EST) tonight.

• "Tyler Perry's House of Payne (TBS)" -- I wouldn't watch it. But it will kill 30 minutes!
• "Pushing Daisies (ABC)" -- ABC passed on showing Obama's commercial and instead want you to watch "Pushing Daisies," yet another victim of the writer's strike. It had good ratings ... once. Don't you want to watch a show about a pie baker who can bring dead things to life and re-kill them by touching them? It's supposed to be a whimsical and stuff? I wouldn't watch it. It doesn't involve hot doctors who can't keep their pants on or Vanessa Williams being a vamp or hot people trapped in a mindfuck TV show about a sci-fi island. Sorry ABC.
• "House Rerun (USA)" -- You could watch Hugh Laurie abuse people! That's always fun! It's the "Daddy's Boy" episode where he tries to avoid having dinner with his parents. There's also some annoying sick person who needs saving. The usual.
• "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (AMC)" -- Can't further from politics than one of the worst horror films ever made.
• "NBA: Suns versus Spurs (ESPN)" -- I don't like either of those teams. I'm a Golden State, Lakers girl.
• Cable News -- Regular CNN will give you Campbell Brown talking about Obama's show. CNN Headline News will give you Nancy Grace talking about dead and/or missing white woman and/or child of the week! Keith Olbermann will be on "Countdown" (talking about Obama effusively and with no shame to his pleasure.) and Bill O'Reilly will be in his "no spin zone" giving his spin on Obama on "The O'Reilly Factor" on FOX News.
• "VH1's 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs (VH1)" -- How long has VH1 been nothing but reality shows and lists?
• "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" (MTV) -- Paris Hilton still needs friends apparently.
• "Law & Order Rerun (TNT)" -- They're showing a 2006 episode involving a dead mafia accountant. I think I've seen that one ten or 12 times, so I'm passing.
• "Clean House (Style)" -- Support Nicey Nash and the flower in her hair!
• "Dr. 90210 (E!)" -- Plastic surgery on egomaniacs!
  
• "Miami Drug Cartel (NGC)" -- Ooo ... say hello to my real life little friend in this tale of cocaine and violence.
• "Honey (Oh!)" -- Jessica Alba. Watch her with the sound turned down. The acting? Not good.
  
• "Aliens (FMC)" -- Fox Movie Channel is showing the only good movie I've seen coming on at the same time when Barack opens his mouth, the original "Aliens" and it's still as creepy as it was when it first came out in the late 1970s.
  

Check your listings!

Snob Rant: The Grand Old Freak-Out

Someone won't stop hitting the Sarah Palin panic button at McCain headquarters and the giant screeching noise is giving me a headache

When all this Republican caterwauling over Sarah Palin ruining everything began a few weeks ago little did I know that it would get this far.

For the first time since never, a political party has begun its "pre-blame game" for a loss that hasn't even taken place yet.

I blame the yellow bellies of The George Will Revolt. They kicked off this kvetching, leading to multitudes of smarty-pants, conservative-to-moderate noodle-noses balking over marching to the Sarah Palin drum.

They'd choked down their George W. Bush Boones Farm and pretended like it was Chablis, but they were not sucking down this latest batch of Palin Political-Wine-in-A-Box.

They went to Harvard. They are simply better than this ... all of a sudden.

Watching columnists, politicos, pundits and authors suddenly bolt from the McCain-Palin Pox has been amazing. Individuals who normally would have held their noses and voted McCain for King of America for All Eternity over "pick-a-Democrat-any-Democrat" are scrunchie-faced because they refuse to share a cheerleading section with Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Kellyanne Fitzpatrick Conway. The nerve!

Oh, now you don't like the Blonde Fembots for Freedom and their candidate of choice? You are soooo getting put in their slam book, Peggy Noonan!

Then there are the staffers, the back-biting, shark-jumping, whiny staffers, leaking words like "whack job" and "diva" to the press, who are basically accusing Palin of being the causation of the entire downfall of the ticket, party and possibly the industrial world. She just cruised in wearing a tiara and playing a flute, taking a wrecking ball to it all.

Really, noodle-noses? Really?

While I can't stand anything about Gov. Palin, the Maybe it's a pitbull, Maybe it's Maybelline cadidate, is not the cause of The Great GOP Panic of 2008.

She is a mere symptom.

The "panic" is a McCain-Bush production based purely on Bush having the opposite of the Midas touch and McCain tying himself to Bush post-2004 when the senator finally stopped hating Junior just long enough to realize he wanted to be president that badly.

Let's be real here -- John McCain PICKED Sarah Palin. Palin did not hop on Todd's snow machine with her five kids, future grandchild, governorship, a six pack of Schlitz and a sawed off shotgun (hand on pump, of course) and demand Mr. Walnut Cheeks to put her on the ticket. She was chillin' in Anchorage where no one knew her from Adam as the longest of longshots while Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty and Charlie Crist took turns holding the bowl of ice water McCain soaks his balls in while reciting the most famous line from Grey's Anatomy over and over: "Pick me. Choose me. Love me."

It didn't matter if they'd seen McCain and Sen. Joe Lieberman holding hands the other day. McCain needed a pro-lifer and everyone in that trio loved life ... especially if it began and ended on Pennsylvania Avenue. Crist was willing to enter a loveless marriage ... with a woman! It was that serious! So poor pitiful McCain had options and he went with a little Northern Lights "Razzle Dazzle."

Now Gov. Crist has extended poll hours in Florida from eight-a-day to 12. Apparently he is ignoring his "please do your best to suppress the vote turnout" memo.

But if the McCain campaign thinks Palin is some hick albatross they can to dress up to the tune of $150,000 only to hang this screeching, screaming, faltering massive Republican freak-out on her, they are sadly mistaken. No sir! You will NOT blame the Caribou Barbie for this! Every time you point one finger at the failed sportscaster you point three more back at you.

If I were Sarah Palin, I'd be looking out for number one like I legally changed my name to Ocho Cinco. She may not be an intellectual, but she's no numb-nuts. She can see the-powers-that-be within the McCain campaign measuring the noose for "a long drop with a short stop" just for her after the election. Why not go rogue when you know John McCain was only using you as disgruntled Clintonista/Jesus Freak bait anyway? It's Operation Chaos, baby. Yukon style.

Palin is doing one of my favorite "wronged woman" routines -- The Bitch Who Would Not Die. (Sometimes also known as The Bitch Who Would Not Leave. Just think Angelina Jolie in every movie she's ever been in and of Jennifer Holiday singing "And I Am Telling You" from the original Broadway production of Dreamgirls.)

The phrase refers to that point in the book, soap opera, movie or life story where everyone has decided that a particular woman is horrible and should just go away for the bettermint of everyone, but that woman looks back and screams nothing but Efie White until she either gets carted away or starts getting AWESOME.

Now, I don't want this to go "awesome" for Palin. I want this to end with her vice presidential dreams dying quite abruptly on Nov. 4. But until then, I want to see her go out in a psychotic blaze of glory. Don't wait for General Sherman and his army to show up and burn your proverbial Atlanta to the ground when you can torch that sucker yourself! Burn, baby, burn, Sarah Palin! Go so "Rogue*" you start hanging out with Stan Lee, wearing yellow and green jumpsuits. Dye a long white streak in your auburn hair and accessorize all your Anchorage consignment shop suits with full-length leather gloves as you purge the posh money Republicans, centrists and Colin Powells from the party.

There's only one way McCain can make the potential election loss on stick to My Fair Veep. McCain would have to capitulate again, join The George Will Revolt, denounce himself and cheer on as the GOP burns with Palin as the last woman standing, fatally destroying her chances of a second act.

Of course, McCain quitting would STILL make her crashing and burning and going "oh what a world!" John McCain's fault, but it might distract a few people.

Or he could concede. I suggest he consider it.

*And, yes. That is my second X-Men reference for the week. And, yes, when not being a snob, I am a nerd. And no, Todd cannot be Gambit even if Todd kind of looks like Gambit with short hair. He's not from the Bayou and he's not Cajun and I've revealed enough of my nerdom for TODAY!

He Wants to Move

Finally. Someone put together two of my greatest loves ... B-boys and politics. I'm in satirical heaven.

MY FRIENDS! IT'S ON!

Thanks, Teferri!

McCain Volunteer's "Black Guy Did It!" Tale A Hoax

Hey, 99 percent of the time blaming an anonymous black guy works, but if you're going to whip out "the black guy did it" card you better hope the cops don't ask any follow up questions. Follow up questions really unraveled this farcical story of a John McCain volunteer who claimed she was assaulted physically and sexually by the "big scary black buck" stereotype because of her support for John McCain.

Never mind the guy who allegedly attacked Texas A&M student Ashley Todd sounds like a composite character out of a Donald Goines novel with a hard-on for some "hope" with a side of "change." (Whoreson? Is that you?) She said he carved a "B" onto her face ... backwards, oddly enough. To think, it was malarkey like this that got thousands of people killed and their homes burnt to the ground in places like Rosewood, Fla. almost 75 years ago.

From MSNBC:

PITTSBURGH - A John McCain volunteer in Pittsburgh who said she was robbed and sexually assaulted because of her political views has admitted to fabricating the story, police sources told a TV station.

KDKA TV added that one source said Ashley Todd would face charges.

Police have not formally announced the fabrication, acknowledging only that detectives in the case were meeting with the force's public information officers.

Todd, of College Station, Texas, earlier agreed to take a polygraph test due to inconsistencies.

Among other things, police said photos and bank card information from an automated teller machine where the college student claimed she was robbed do not show her using the machine at the time, police said.

Police said the Todd, who is white, told them she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.

Other differences in her accounts are whether she lost consciousness, whether she remembers handing over money and how the man assaulted her, police said.

In her initial account, Richard said, Todd attempted to use the ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.

Todd told investigators that she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said in a statement.

She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face using what she believed to be a dull knife.

The woman told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.

Gawker, which has also been keeping up with the story has dubbed Todd the "Poor dumb idiot racist kid."

It's Official: The Election Is Freaking Me Out

Image from reader Tammy

I'm a little nervous.

And not because I think my sweet Hopey McChangey is going to lose. Au contraire, mon amie! Many Democrats keep uttering things like "landslide." America has been a 51-49 nation since the Culture Wars began and commonfolk could be divided along class and tribal lines. Such as, by nature of their needs, you'd think poor white people and poor black people would band together to fight their circumstances, but the teachings of Tim Wise would prove otherwise.

Culture Wars, re: ignorance and racism, trump common sense every time.

Or does it. And that's what freaks me out. Since the economy discombobulated all over us, the Obama Campaign has been on fire. Smoother than smooth. Calmer than calm and quicker than quick in recognizing and dealing with problems that most Democrats don't fight until after the fact.

Like poor and minority voters having their rights disenfranchised. Launching a team of lawyers to fight voter suppression in lieu of the looming election. The Colin Powell endorsement, huge no matter how hard some right wingers must trash a man they thought was their "pet Negro," but, as I've said before, if they'd ever actually listened to him talk about his reality they would have figured out long ago, Powell is no one's pet.

And the South shall rise again ... but for Obama? In Virginia? Once the seat of the Confederacy, it's residents are so dissatisfied that they're considering to go the way of The Great Black Hopemongerer? North Carolina? Talks of Obama using this "I'm rich, bitch!" donation stash to start making inroads in Georgia?

Georgia? The one Sherman burnt to the ground?

The state polls show he's more than closing in, he is beating down. He's neck-and-neck in Ohio and Missouri. He's leading in Florida where the Sarah Palin pick has gone over like a lead balloon with the fiscally conservative (but not too keen on the cultural conservatives) Jewish voters. Plus, her church participated in hosting a "Jews for Jesus" group. If you want to creep out a Jew who loves being a Jew, start hanging out with Jews for Jesus, which many Jews believe is a "peaceful" extenuation of the Holocaust.

Yeah. The shit is that deep.

John McCain is on defense, offense, the fence, fighting a trench war he only recently prepared for. The Obama campaign has been on the ground in ever state mobilizing for more than a year. Two years in some cases. Johnny Mac is a Johnny-Come-Lately, as he fights for Pennsylvania despite an 11 point Obama lead.

What the hell is going on? There are rumors that Obama plans to take his fight right to McCain's front door of Arizona, where the senator is up by 11. There are rumors that McCain, with his shrinkage -- re: funding shrinkage -- may abandon Colorado, where Obama is up by 5 points.

Next to falling off a stage a la Bob Dole, McCain is doing almost every thing he can to help Obama overcome the Bradley Effect and get into the White House and I salute the flyboys efforts, but I'm freaked out all the same.

The Democrats are "winning," people. The Democrats haven't done winning in decades. Save that brief respite called the Clinton Years (which were full of prosperity and filthy oral copulation), it's been a Democratic drought. Now we're facing the possibility of ANOTHER political monopoly, this time -- Donkey Kong style.

I'm interested if they'll go mad with power like the Republicans did, or if they'll maintain some semblance of common sense? Who am I kidding? Those sons (and daughters) of bitches want revenge. Even I want a taste. If they get the majority, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will morph into "The Punisher," black skull T-shirt at all.

But what scares me, with all the success looming, with everything going the Left's way, but we've seen this movie before.

How will the Democratic Party fuck up this time? They've botched so many elections. What possible scenarios are the DNC and the Obama Campaign over looking that they need to check their list twice on? November 4th could be a dream OR a nightmare. If the Dems mess up this time what is the most likely scenario (other than Mad Dog Joe Biden saying crazy things) to come to pass and how can we prevent it from becoming "deja vu all over again?"

Palin As President

Check out this elaborate animated, interactive flash page on a satirical Sarah Palin presidency if Johnny Mac wins and pulls a William Henry Harrison. (Cartoon by Zina Saunders' from her Drawger gallery of political art)

Powell endorsing Obama = Something Unexpected from McCain

In one weekend, Barack Obama received crowds of 100,000 and 75, 000 respectively in Missouri, his campaign announced raising more than $150 million in September, he's up in Virginia and North Carolina and Gen. Colin Powell endorsed him Meet the Press.

This is a lot, A LOT, of good news going into Monday and if we've learned anything from the last few go 'rounds the McCain Campaign cannot allow all this to become the news story du jour. None of this is helpful to the Republican candidate. This is so much "rah rah rah Obama" news that it will completely block out Gov. Sarah Palin's tethered performance on Saturday Night Live.

I don't think the appearance hurt her in any capacity, but it further solidified the point that she's limited in her scope. The best bit was in seeing her sway side-to-side while Amy Poehler performed a hip hop number in her honor.

But seeing her and Tina Fey quickly cross each paths like a pair of voodoo black cats isn't enough to silence Powell's statements that the narrowing scope of the campaign and McCain's judgment in selecting Palin as veep sent him running to Team Obama.

So what stunt will be pulled Monday? Where will the juggling bears and the dancing girls come from this time? Just how many trick ponies does John McCain own? I prepared for the Republicans to do their best to explain why Colin Powell is no longer relevant. That pretty much started the minute the interview was over with.

On Face the Nation, Missouri Gov. Matt "Little Boy" Blunt told Bob Schieffer the endorsement didn't matter, then dug into the crates with the "Obama = celebrity" meme when explaining how The Great Hopemongerer pulled 175,000 folks in Missouri rallies. Did I mention Matt Blunt is a highly unpopular governor who chose not to run for re-election rather than face certain doom to the Democrats this year? He took one for the team and got out of the Missouri Republican Party's way so they could at least have a shot at the retaining Jefferson City.

Blunt had his talking points. Endorsements don't matter. Even when they're from the guy behind the "Powell Doctrine," who is generally liked by both parties, is an iconic military figure and has played ball with the Republicans for the last few decades.

And Powell and John McCain are "friends."

But saying that alone isn't going to make it go away. It'll take something crazy and unexpected. Perhaps something clever involving Donald Trump and Heidi Montag, or Sarah Palin suspending her campaign to go hunt Osama bin Laden. Or McCain naming Joe Lieberman and "Joe the Plumber" as Palin's co-veeps. Or McCain calling for some random person within government to "step down."

Maybe he'll challenge Obama to a duel. Anything to keep the Irate Talk Express rolling and straight jacking for news cycles. Whatever it takes!

Colin Powell May Endorse Hopey McChange Sunday

Gen. Colin Powell, seen here getting his swerve on at the Africa Rising music and fashion festival in London, is going on "Meet the Press" Sunday. Washington is a-buzz that the former Bush Secy. of State and leader of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (under the Poppy Bush) will throw himself onto Team Obama.

Earlier in the campaign, Powell was offering some foreign policy advice to Barack Obama, but had spoken favorably about both candidates throughout the election. Conventional wisdom is that it will be shocking if Powell doesn't endorse Obama, considering that backing McCain would be a non-starter (and not-really-earth shattering,considering Powell is a military man who worked for two Republican Administrations. Granted, the last one shut him down once they'd used up all his credibility, but it was within the same political family).

FOX News has hilariously tied this potential endorsement with a news clip from Powell's visit to London where he got up and did a little dancing with a musical act from Nigeria.

His address at the "Africa Rising" celebration inside London's Royal Albert Hall fueled speculation that an endorsement of Barack Obama is imminent.

Powell -- who has yet to back a candidate -- told the audience: "I stand before you as an African-American. Many people have said to me you became secretary of state of the USA, is it still necessary to say that you are an African American or that you are black? And I say yes, so that we can remind our children."

"It took a lot of people struggling to bring me to this point in history," Powell told the audience. "I didn't just drop out of the sky. People came from my continent in chains."

I don't know. Maybe this is part of some revealing "Oh my God! Colin Powell is some common Negro" journalism. Maybe seeing him with other black people, dancing of all things, then giving a speech where he acknowledged that African Americans have roots in ... gasp ... Africa, disturbed their sensibilities. I wonder if they remember his speech to the RNC a few years back and the large gaps of silence when Powell spoke about the reality of race in America. Just because you don't agree on the role of government in American life or you have an actual foreign policy/war "doctrine" named for you, doesn't make you magically stop caring about issues that effect black people. I swear.

Thanks reader Nichelle for the link!

Winkin, Blinkin and Bitchy

Out of all the things I've noticed about John McCain in the debates is how much the man blinks. He often looks insane, his eyes fluttering away every time Obama moved his lips. With every utter and stutter from Obama, McCain's eyes went a-flutter. Sometimes in amusement, sometimes in frustration, sometimes in befuddlement and sometimes for no reason at all.

But that didn't stop me from wondering what the hell was going on ...

Top Ten Reasons Why John McCain Blinked So Much During the Debate

1. He has no sweat glands and it is his way to cool. Re: Eye panting
2. Chronic dry eye?
3. He was inspired by that guy from The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
4. He was blinking Morose Code to Cindy McCain, "Need to buy more Depends!"
5. He was flirting with the moderator.
6. It was 127 failed attempts of Sarah Palin's patented "wink." Just couldn't get it right.
7. He was having a minor stroke
8. He is secretly one of Snow White's Seven Dwarfs -- McBashful (McBashful has an alter ego called McBitchy. He was there Wednesday night too.)
9. He was catching the vapors
10. He was flirting with "his friends."

Some Quick Observations About Wednesday Night's Debate

John McCainiac gave his all. He huff and he puffed and he got really "eye-blinky," but Barack "Hopey McChangey" Obama's house refused to blow down. While the pundits considered whether or not the "angry," Ayers-obsessed McCain would come off better than the slightly less peeved, but cowed McCain, early polls by CNN and CBS showed, once again, an overwhelming tilt towards Obama winning the debate.

This last debate was McCain's last big chance to tell America what his vision for the country is. Instead I got a lot fussing, eye rolling and grunting, compounding with tons of wasted minutes on what will ultimately go down as the "Joe the Plumber" debate.

This was a lively exchange than the previous two debates, no doubt. Mostly because McCain's body language and attitude were a raw, exposed nerve on a confused and irritated body. I once joked during the primaries that it seemed like Hillary Clinton was moaning R&B singer Deborah Cox's 1998 hit "Nobody's Supposed to Be Here." Now McCain has taken that ballad and turned it into a torch song to his misfortunes.

How did this Obama guy get here?
He's not supposed to be here.
It's bad enough I got beat by Bush last time.
My Purple heart says no, no.
He's not supposed to be here.
Then Obama came along making me lose my mind.

This debate was largely the best debate though because of the format and the moderator, CBS long-time political reporter and host of "Face the Nation," the pithy Bob Schieffer. Unlike Tom Brokaw, who came off petulant and prissy during the last debate, Schieffer breezed through, asking interesting questions that sparked lively debate while keep the training running on time.

Obama largely stuck to the "West Side Story" play book by humming "boy, boy, crazy boy, stay cool boy" in his head for 90 minutes no matter what flapdoodle came out of McCain's mouth. That is an amazing talent of his. Plus, McCain heartily took the negative campaigning bait and did what the Republican base wanted him to do, but once again forgot all about the voters in the middle. The one's who may have taken offense to him using "air quotes" when saying the word "health" in reference to abortion rights. Claiming health was an over used argument when the whole abortion debate is about health -- health of the mother and health of the fetus.

Seriously. What was he talking about? Did he really go there? But I guess if you're going to blow through the last debate, knowing that in all likelihood no matter what you say it won't move the needle, why not act a damn fool? Sure, it's about two debates too late. McCain does everything two or three moves to late. If he were boxing his own shadow (which he does at times), his shadow kicks his ass somedays.

Obama had opportunities to open up on McCain and probably would have if he weren't sitting on a lead he didn't want to blow. Obama didn't have to do anything but keep from uttering a major gaff, or stuttering too much (which he did do at times). Other than that, if we're grading the debate based on who accomplished their mission, the obvious winner is Obama. McCain threw everything, including the William Ayers sink at Obama and he just shined on through.

It's "Groundhog Day" for John McCain. Every debate was "Grondhog Day." It's deja vu all over again.

Side note: More on Michelle and her dress later (and me getting um ... a little tired of the pins). More pictures. Updates will be late today!