Guitar Hero Ad Starring Kobe, Phelps, A-Rod and ... is that Tony Hawk?

Obviously, everyone decided to channel Tom Cruise's tighty-whiteys scene from "Risky Business." Kobe seems waaaaay too into it, but then, he's also the only one with "long" short pants on, not fully committing to his character. (I realize he's a basektball player wearing white basketball trunks, but really. Other than Michael Phelps everyone in this skit wears longer pants professionally.) You can't see Phelps underpants at all and Alex Rodriguez simply looks absurd in his boxer briefs. That said, I dub this commercial "funny."

Week In Pictures III: Everyone Looks Good For Derek Jeter

Time to party in NYC for Major League Baseball's All-Star Weekend. Clef is down.

The Jordan label threw a shindig for Yankee's star Derek Jeter and everyone tried to dress to impress. His party was also going down during Major League Baseball's All-Star Weekend in New York there were a few misses fashion-wise, but most looks were right on target.

Mmm ... Jeter. Dreamy.

Jeter and Jordan. Mike went all casual with his "weathered' jeans, but it's the shoes, man. It's gotta be the shoes. Those possible Stacey Adams look like they are on hit from under those jeans.

Eric Williams of the Charlotte Bobcats. Not bad. Not bad at all. You didn't dress up, but when you look like that, do you have to?

Idris Elba did not dress up for this event. He better be glad he's extremely attractive.

Mr. October. Reggie Jackson.

Lloyd in a throwback.

Wanya and Shawn of Boyz II Men wearing Ed Hardy.

Gabby, some things not right with the weave, other than that, it would take a lot to make you look bad. And dresses with pockets? Hot. Sometimes. Not this one. But they can work.

Fabolous.

VJ Julissa Bermudez looking in a hideous white vest, pale pink mini dress that resembles a torn T-shirt (like she stole it from 80s cartoon doll Jem) and shoes that make her feet look like their strapped in an all white prison.

Applause for Mya's sudden ability to put together a killer outfit that makes her resemble a young Irene Cara. Oh, what a feeling. And that feeling is hot. Mya is in this sort of singer hell where she's not good enough to compete with Beyonce and too old to make a run at Rihanna. She's not as legendary as Mary J. Blige or as earthy as Erykah Badu. Instead she's squashed in the back of the pack with Ashanti and all these other middling, so-so R&B songstresses. I think she should just give it up and go Broadway. Sometimes when you're on a crowded bus the best thing you can do is get off.

I don't know a lot about Terrence J. but I like this outfit. Very Ricky Schroder.

Week In Pictures I: The Good Naomi and Chris Brown Please Put Your Shirt Back On

This is the Naomi Campbell I like to see. The non-violent, sober, lovely, baby cuddling Naomi Campbell, all smiles as she participates in the Africa Rising music, fashion and arts festival earlier this month. These pictures taken of the festival from July 11 - 13 show black folks at their best. While Naomi and fellow ridiculously beautiful person Tyson Beckford star in the movie of my head called "Two extremely attractive black people make cute faces at adorable Nigerian babies," hip hop/R&B stars from the states rock the crowd.

While Rihanna is Rihanna and Jay-Z is Joe Camel, it is Chris Brown and his sudden need to take his shirt off all the time that's concerning me the most. Put it on, Chris. Put it back on.

Here are the best pics from Africa Rising.

Sigh. Enough beautiful baby cuddling with two of the world's most photogenic people (seriously, they are unnaturally beautiful people and they're like BFFs too. It's too much. Does Tyson hand Naomi the jar of Vaseline she uses to grease her face up before beating some fool down? Does he say, "No, not the new iPhone, girl. Use the Nokia!")

Time for the show and where there is show there is Camel Joe. Rock it.

"Nigeria! Throw up your dynasty signs!"

Usher was also on hand to be Usher. Sweaty. Hardworking. Trying so hard to be sexy, yet still doing nothing for me, Usher. I can get more out of a completely clothed Tyson Beckford with a baby.

I realize that Chris Brown is trying to compete in the Usher Raymond Era (which is the Post-R. Kelly Era. At this point, I think Kells is trying to keep up with Usher rather than the other way around. Did Usher really need Kells on "Same Girl" that bootleg, awful recreation of "The Girl Is Mine?" I think not.) So because the competition from the other shirtless wonders is so hot Chris has to hit the gym and get his 12-year-old boy frame into killer shape. And he can cover that frame in as many tats as he wants, wear as many red stocking caps and make as many hard rock stances. Nothing coming out of his baby mouth sounds hardcore. And I love his duet with Jordin Sparks, "No Air," and that's about as far from hood as you can get with a ballad. Basically, I'm tired of the foolishness, Chris. Everyone can't be Usher Raymond IV. Put your damn shirt on and be Chris Brown.

Quit playing.

Really.

Put that shit away. It's like looking at a "sexy" fetus. It's all kinds of wrong.

Side note: And in case you were worried they'd been kidnapped. Nick and Mariah and Mickey Mouse. Yes. WTF. WTF, indeed. Between this and their trip to Six Flags with the cupcakes I'm THIS CLOSE to guessing their next photo op will be in Branson, Mo. cavorting in Silver Dollar City before hitting up Fantastic Caverns in the Ozarks.

Please. STOP. PLAYING! (Picture from Blog Envy Is the New Black)

When Being An Incognegro Gets You Accidentally Opted Out of Minority-Land (Update!)

I wish I could find the audio for it, but I'm going to have to ask you all to take my word for it. During Major League Baseball's Home Run Derby Monday night ESPN's announcers remarked that this was the "whitest" line-up ever with no Latino ballers and no black players. And as they laughed over the absurdity of this while Josh Hamilton went for his record breaking 28 homers in the first round, everyone forgot about about the secret Negro raging inside of Cleveland Indian center fielder Grady Sizemore. The not-black-black-man hit six homers in the first round, which would have been decent any other year accept Hamilton's 28-homer freak year.

It's not Grady's fault he doesn't give off that Jason "Don't believe your lyin' eyes" Kidd vibe. Every incognegro can't be a flaming incognegro!

Thank you reader Ciara for the video link!

PS. Grady was the first incognegro I wrote about for my Incognegro series.

Williams Beats Williams

Venus Williams beat her kid sister Serena for her fifth Wimbledon trophy Saturday and it was awesome. They both played with heart and skill, but Venus, the best player on grass of her generation, was able to rise to the occasion and get herself a bittersweet victory against Serena. The duo also won their umpteeth doubles title, winning seven grand slam doubles.

While I thrilled in their victory, as I'm sure many hardcore Williams sister fans did, it always irritates me how the Williams sisters aren't talked about as American tennis stars. Routinely I hear commentators and sports journalists lament the lack of quality American tennis players completely over looking the history making familial duo.

The Williams sisters are treated as women without a country. This despite them being among the best American players, male and female. Andy Roddick and James Blake often fall short, but the Williams sisters, fading in and out of the sport for school and fashion, remain the preeminent athletes of American tennis. They are Althea Gibson and Arthur Ashe. They are as influential as Billie Jean King. They are, combined, one Pete Sampras and are doubly more thrilling that he ever was. Venus has as many Wimbledon trophies as legendary Swede Bjorn Borg. And more than Americans John McEnroe and Jimmy Conners.

If they'd played more perhaps they would have towered over the sport for a decade, trading places as one and two and as much as I would have enjoyed that, their careers and their lives were/are of their choosing. At the end of the day they can still beat any woman in their field. They can't be counted out no matter where they rank or what shape they are in. No one can make assumptions because often to reach the prize you don't have to get through just one Williams. You have to beat two.

I'm not shocked that Americans would be reluctant to embrace the tough and talented Williamses with their unconventional father and colorful personalities. They are so brilliant and so authentically black Americans that their attitude could be interpreted as smug. They are unconventional and do not do the expected. Yet in spite of this they represent with pride and are looking forward to the Olympic games where they hope to represent their country.

John McEnroe could be a flaming asshole and still be loved by the USA. But for being unique, the Williamses are greeted with criticism and shrugs. To be honest, if American tennis can't celebrate them, they don't deserve them. Thank goodness for their fans, black and white, sports lovers or not, who thrill at the feats despite the naysayers who reject a pair of black women who have the audacity to be themselves. A pair of women who do not water it down for the consumption of a jaded and jaundiced tennis watching white populace.

As much as both sisters want to win any time they play each other in a final is a win for every black person every where and it's a win for America, whether the Americans want to acknowledge it or not.

Others can ignore their greatness. But there's no denying who they are and where their from. You can take the girls out of Compton, USA but you can't take Compton out of the girls.

Go westside.