Real Life is NOT "Juno"

Ellen Page (L) in the hit film "Juno," Bristol Palin with her baby brother Trig and Jamie Lynn Spears a few months back when she was pregnant at 16.

Jamie Lynn Spears sends gift to Bristol Palin:

If there’s one person who gets a pregnant teen, it’s Jamie Lynn Spears.

Britney Spears’ little sis is reaching out to Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, John McCain’s vice presidential pick.

A source close to the Beverly Hills baby store Petit Tresor tells CelebTV.com exclusively that a gift from Plain Mary was sent to Bristol Palin on behalf of Jamie Lynn Spears.

An insider says it was actually Lynne Spears, Jamie Lynn’s mom, who called about the gift, and requested the gift come from her daughter.

“It was ordered by phone, and they asked what could be done for under $100. They spent $60 on pink burpcloths,” said the source.

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to her first daugther, Maddie Briann, in June, at the age of 17.

Now she just needs to go clubbing with Miley Cyrus and the circle will be complete. Perhaps Spears and Solange Knowles have a club Palin can join. Gah! Teen pregnancy is a SERIOUS issue. For every success story of a teen parent who makes it work and produces an exemplary citizen and scholar, there are the multitude of unwanted teen pregnancies that lead to children with poorer education, poorer living standards, poorer health care and poor parenting.

Not everyone is getting Barack Obama's 18-year-old for a mother. A lot get an immature, confused person who makes a plethora of mistakes because they can't/won't give up the childhood they lost.

It's a real problem! I'm not saying poor Bristol Palin and her boyfriend should be treated as a pariahs. In my mother's day they put you out of school if you got knocked up. Both in high school and at the Christian college she attended in Little Rock, Ark. I don't want to return to punishing girls for making a mistake, but I don't want this to turn into one big celebration that leaves the impression that getting pregnant at 17 is a good thing if your parents push you to marry the father of the child.

And it's doubly gross with John McCain using the meet-n-greet with the boyfriend on the tarmac as public relations. Even forcing the kid to shake his hand then oddly resting his hands on the both of them, squeezing them together as if he actually gives a damn about protecting either them from the drama unfolding.

I swore I never would resurrect this now hackneyed phrase, but by accepting McCain's vice presidential invitation, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin threw her daughter under the bus.

I can't look at this whole "Desperate Housewives" saga without hearing Billy Idol in my head murmuring:

Hey little sister what have you done?
Hey little sister who's the only one?
Hey little sister who's your superman?
Hey little sister who's the one you want?
Hey little sister shot gun!

It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding.
It's a nice day to start again.

She's Like Me?

Wednesday Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin will speak in front of a jazzed up and enthusiastic Republican audience. Hopefully she will avoid Dan Quayle's famous "deer-in-the-headlights" moment and give the barn-burning speech of her (and John McCain's) maverick-lovin' dreams.

Palin, the first female Republican vice presidential nominee, has stayed out of the public eye in Minnesota for two days while the revelations about her family and her record in Alaska surfaced. She has yet to do a news interview or news conference with reporters.

She has been preparing for her address with McCain aides including speechwriter Matt Scully, who drafted her speech in Ohio. "We're just going to rock 'em, sock 'em -- we kind of like it when people underestimate us," a McCain campaign official said of the speech.

The speech will give her a chance to move past the issue of her 17-year-old daughter's pregnancy and the probe into whether she abused her power in having a public safety commissioner fired, although it is unclear if she will directly address either topic.

If watching the Republican National Convention has taught me anything about the Republicans this year is that they can't run on issues and they can't run on the past eight, Bush-tainted years. They've got nothing. So they're pushing the biographies of John McCain and Sarah Palin, twin mavericks in the mold of Ronald Reagan, mounting the steeds of justice and galloping off to round up those earmark-loving rascals, fighting Washington to take back Washington.

Of course by running against Washington the Republicans are basically running against themselves, but hey, if they try hard enough they might pull it off. Of course, I'll probably go deaf if I hear the words "maverick" and "war hero" ever again. What do either of those things have to do with the economy or the dual wars we're fighting?

Palin is being sold as the "she's just like you" candidate. Her family's flaws are now being touted as her simply keeping it real. Her idiosyncrasies are the norm. Her story, no doubt, is dynamic. And she definitely doesn't own seven houses, isn't an heiress to a beer distributorship and enjoys moose stew as a delicacy.

The "She's just like me" argument isn't meant for me, (of course) but conservatives who seem themselves in her views and her family. Suddenly the goal posts have been moved on teen sex for this woman. Her daughter is pregnant and now that's OK, as long as she keeps the baby and marries the father. Premarital sex, no big, as long as you're getting married. Glad to know.

Some think Palin is getting the short shrift, accusing those who say she's a political lightweight of being sexist. (But having no problem with Pat Buchanan who has the habits of calling her a "girl" or "gal.") Call her what you want but don't call her inexperienced!

McCain wants conservative voters, many of whom were lukewarm toward his candidacy, whipped into high dungeon in defense of Palin, angry at the media and the unnamed liberal elites who are denounced by most every convention speaker.

Unfortunately for Democrats, they can't protest too much over McCain's use of the gender card — not after the race between Obama and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton stirred sex and racial tensions.

Aren't these the same people who labeled Hillary Clinton supporters cries of sexism as "whining?" Didn't Gov. Palin, herself, call it whining?

And the whole comparison of she's getting it worse that Obama did, I have two words, "Reverend Wright."

However, no one has made the correlation nor has anyone mentioned the hypocrisy that it is. It is ok to say that a man should control his minister, but not ok to say that a woman should control her oldest daughter. It is ok to question a man’s patriotism and religious values, but not question a woman’s politics and family values.

Ironically, while John McCain and Hillary Clinton fueled the fire in the Wright direction, Obama immediately made a statement, telling people to leave Palin’s family out of this. Yet no one still sees the correlation that despite being thrown to the wolves, Obama would not let the same thing happen to her.

Do I want Palin’s family exposed? No. However, I think it’s hypocritical to bring up one thing and not another. Secondly, I think Jeremiah Wright was a non-factor to Obama’s campaign and should’ve never been brought up, but this…this is an issue for the following reasons.

It was "G-D America" this and "G-D America" that for MONTHS. How was that favorable to the so-called media darling?

But that's how it goes.

Still, if Palin bombs tonight one has to wonder ...

With reporters and opposition researchers crawling through Alaska, and with the McCain campaign having dispatched its own team of lawyers to re-vet Palin, Republicans are wondering what shoe might drop next. If further revelations prove damaging enough, McCain could decide to replace Palin or she could choose to withdraw. While such an event seems unlikely given her popularity in some quarters of the party—Jacob Heilbrunn has suggested that social conservatives would view her ouster as “political infidelity”—her rocky reception makes the “Eagleton scenario,” and how it might unfold, a subject of more than academic interest.

That's what Joshua Green's presupposes in his story in The Atlantic, "The 'Eagleton Scenario.'" It sounds like the title of a Jason Bourne film, but it's a decently written article that plays out what would happen if McCain were forced to dump Palin after tonight.

In other news, it's a shotgun wedding for Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, ages 18 and 17. I'm sure the kids are really excited that they're getting hitched to make this thing "kosher." Pictures of Bristol and her beau are all over the internet, further NOT HELPING anyone. Once again, kids. If you don't want strangers to see it don't put it on your MySpace page!