Randomness: Granny Snob Wants Great-GrandSnobs, Wonders Why I'm Not Mrs. Obama

In light of my most recent post on interracial dating I found it hilarious that my grandmother, the unsinkable Granny Snob, (pictured on the left) called me early this afternoon to inform me (yet again) that I needed to have children. This is not the first time she has done this. This is part of an ongoing series in conversations with her where she reminds me of how old I am and how I need to give her some grandbabies.

Now mind you, she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren on account having nine children of her own, most of whom married, then had kids who in turn produced children as well. But none of her eldest daughter's children, my dear Mama Snob, have kids. We're not even married. And for some reason she enjoys yelling at me about this, but not my sisters.

But what was different about today's conversation was the "Rainbow Coalition" tone and the new Barack Obama spin on today's conversation.

GRANNY SNOB: So how's the boyfriend coming?

THE BLACK SNOB: What? I don't have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Didn't you say you were dating some preacher's son or someone you went to school with or something?

TBS: Um ... no.

GRANNY SNOB: I thought you or your mama told me that?

TBS: Unless you know something I don't, I don't have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, what's the matter? What's taking so long?

TBS: I just haven't met anybody.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, I need some grandbabies!

TBS: You have grandbabies! I'm your grandbaby!

GRANNY SNOB: No. I want to see your baby. I want to see you have a baby that looks just like your father! We need another (Papa Snob)! And don't wait around for some black dude. If you can't find a black dude then just marry a white!

This was the point at which I was somewhat surprised, considering I'm pretty sure Granny Snob still uses the word "Peckerwood" with high frequency and for decades has been the opposite of enthusiastic for interracial coupling. But as the conversation continued I was able to see what may have sparked this "revolution" in her mind.

TBS: OK.

GRANNY SNOB: I mean it! The white women are taking all the crazy black dudes. I don't know why.

TBS: Well, if they're crazy then they can have them.

GRANNY SNOB: There are white men out there marrying black women. And I don't know why you didn't get Obama! You should have gotten Obama!

TBS: I'm pretty sure I was elementary school when he met Michelle, Granny. I don't think I had a shot at ten.

GRANNY SNOB: He's not that old! I heard he was only 40!

TBS: He's 47. And when was I supposed to meet him? I was still wearing Wonder Woman underoos.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, you should have gotten Obama, but I guess that's too late.

TBS: Um ... yeah.

GRANNY SNOB: Don't waste time. You need to find somebody. I'm afraid you're going to wait until I've taken my final rest for you to have a baby and I want to see it!

And I hate it when she does this because I really do want her to be with us if I get married and have a family, but does she have to play the "I'm 80! I could die tomorrow!" card all the time? She's been pulling this card since she turned 60.

TBS: OK. I'll try.

GRANNY SNOB: I don't care what Mama and Daddy say. They want grandbabies too! And don't wait for a black dude. Marry a white if you have to! I'm serious! I don't know what's wrong with black folks.

TBS: OK. I love you, Granny!

___________________________

I pretty much giggled through the whole conversation because what were the odds that this week would be the week she would unveil her new "marry a white guy" strategy to get some great-grandchildren out of me. But with a biracial president and Granny Snob reading the same dire statistics as every black woman, her obsession with me producing a preferably male child who resembles my daddy (who she adores without question) is paramount.

I still don't know how I was supposed to snag Barack in my Garanimals, (and if I could've, he'd be in prison, not president!) but this is my grandmother. I love the fact that she thinks I could have been the First Lady even though I'm not from Chicago and there is a 16 year age difference. Love that Granny Snob. She thinks I have the skills to mack on the president. Now if you don't mind, I have to go stalk some men and ask bluntly on first dates "Are you going to give my grandmother some grandbabies who look like Papa Snob, because if not, you're wasting our time. She's 80. She could take her final nap any day now!"

Blog Asks "If Michelle Was White." More Like Could Harold Ford Jr. Get Elected Dogcatcher In Blackland?

The Chicago Tribune's Exploring Race blog has posed the question "What if Michelle Obama was white?" This "well, duh" question has already been explored by most black blogs and the universal answer is that he wouldn't have even been a senator, let alone president.

But they asked anyway, you know, for poops and giggles I suppose and they will likely get some passionate responses (and passionate responses to those responses), but the reality is despite all of our progress in the better acceptance of interracial couples, it's hard to get elected to office when you are a black person married a white person.

Case in point: Former Tennessee Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. who I wrote about earlier this year. A member of our quasi "black aristocracy" (as in he comes from a political family of influence and means), Ford reached prominence on his family name and good looks, then ran a campaign for the senate where he lost by a narrow margin. Some say he was hurt by his religious pandering. Others say he was hurt by a Republican backed commercial that portrayed Ford as a white woman chasing, playboy bunny hound.

Which was kind of, sort of true, but mean/racist because what did that have to do with being a senator? Then Ford married Emily Threlkeld and ALL. KINDS. OF. HELL. broke loose in "Blackland."

Comments from Big Head DC's blog:

"I think he has not given his political career any thought. If he runs for any office again, surely he won’t win. You don’t carry the black vote and marry white. I will never vote for him again."-- Pat, Memphis

"The reason so many blacks are upset is because Harold Ford Jr. has always courted the black vote and black people except when it comes to his marriage. I am sure when he is running for office and goes into the black neighborhoods he will not take his white wife along. This also gives black women the assumption that as black men progress their appreciation of black women decreases. It also gives the impression that they are saying “I have made it and here is my trophy”!!!!!" -- Connie, Memphis

"The only use Harold had for blacks period in the 9th Congressional Dist was votes. After 10 years of his representation we ALL need Anus Reconstruction Surgery. He did a number on us. This young man took Self Serving Politician to a new level." -- Anonymous

And there is this long, over-the-top, angry note which pretty much sums up how well this all went over with some blacks. It essentially accuses Ford of treason, then slaps him around for a perceived slight against Martin Luther King, Jr.:

This couple had the nerve to have their engagement party on MLK’s 40th anniversary marking his assassination in Memphis. This was very disrespectful to the dead leader and to the community. It was insensitive and disrespectful to have an engagement party on this day at all. However adding injury to insult, MLK and his black wife did not make the sacrifices that they did so that well off black men can marry white women as trophies. (Seventy) of black families are being raised by single mothers, which is leading to the deterioration of the country as a whole. Children who are abandoned by their fathers are becoming negative statistics and impacting the entire society. Many black men do not value black women enough to marry them and raise their families, partially due to the after effects of slavery and the medias propaganda that white women are more desirable and should be valued. As a politician this man is supposed to be a role model, by this action he is setting the example that well off black men should abandon their responsibilities to their communities and marry trophy white women who should be valued more than black women. His fiancée is an unattractive woman, with a seemingly mediocre background and would probably never have married an attractive well off man of her own race. So one would get the impression that this is not love, but that he is showcasing a white “trophy” on MLK’s anniversary, which is the height of disrespect and in my opinion shows that he is brainwashed, confused and needs deprogramming. Many people view this marriage as political suicide.

You don't have to be an sociologist or a psychologist to figure out that despite our progress there are a still a lot insecurities in the black community and nothing brings them out more passionately than that shunted feeling black people (especially black women) get when black men who "make it" marry outside their race.

When you're used to getting kicked around it's hard not to take it personal. Even I get that feeling from time-to-time and I like to considering myself pretty egalitarian about the issue. I'm almost two people about it with the logical side of my brain saying people should be judged by their character and can marry whomever they want because their marriage is about them, not me and I wouldn't want someone nosing in my personal business, casting judgment on my intentions.

But my gut wants to strangle Elin Woods.

It's insane because Tiger Woods is not my personal property, so what do I care? Yet I do. This is because I grew up watching black women get unceremoniously dumped all the time. Or seeing them not in the running at all as viable mates. I can't help it. I take it personal, but I temper my response, my logic reminding me that this is NOT about me.

Plus, being a trophy wife isn't exactly an ideal thing, considering a lot of it is hedged on your appearance, but it's the wanting to be desired that gets us. Everyone wants to be desired. Everyone. Especially black women. Hence why being married to a white person, particularly a black man married to a white woman, is a death knell to getting the black vote.

Black women and older black voters make up the bulk of the black vote and they are the ones most likely to not approve due to that giant "I've been personally affronted!" feeling they would have every time they'd see someone like Emily Threlkeld's smiling face. And any smart person running against someone like Ford would use this rift against him, never quite saying he was a sell-out, but would repeatedly question his loyalty to his constituents, arguing that Ford would only serve his own interests, not that of the community.

It just wouldn't work. All things aren't that equal in Blackland yet.

Not that white people are 100 percent comfortable with this notion either. There's a reason why a lot of politicians are as personally boring as possible (straight, married to someone who is not "exotic" in any kind of way, Christian, usually with some kids), because that's what voters what. There are exceptions to the rule (Jeb Bush is married to a Latina -- but then he was governor of Florida, so that probably helped him), but for most politicians the rule of the day is to be married, preferrably within their own ethnicity and religious sect, be Christian, be heterosexual and not to have any kink in the closest that could come out to haunt them.

(Like paid hookers or interns or Euro sex clubs or nasty text messages or cocaine or secret half-black, out-of-wedlock children or male pages or hook-up trolling in airport men's restrooms.)

None of that stuff. Can't have it. Americans are both notorious freaks and prudes all at the same time, hence all the politicians have to at least be able to appear as close to June and Ward Cleaver as possible. People want the fantasy. They will vote for the fantasy.

For many in Blackland, a white woman is simply not part of that fantasy.

They Don't Call It "Leader of the Free World" For Nothing

All right. Who is orchestrating these things? Stephen Spielberg? Cecil DeMille? Starring a cast of thousands. In fact, a cast of two-hundred thousand? TWO-HUNDRED THOUSAND GERMANS? In Berlin, waving American flags, cheering for the-man-who-could-be-president?

Three words: Jimminy Fucking Crickets.

This makes American Obamamania pale in comparison.

I'd love to see what would happen if he showed up in Africa. Like a pit stop in West Africa at the "point of no return" or better yet, in Kenya or South Africa? I know South Africa has nothing to do with our presidential race, but can't you see that? So many American blacks emphasized with and fought at home for divestment in South Africa during Apartheid because we were living under our own Apartheid from the end of slavery to the 1960s. The symbolism of South Africa, which had its free election resulting in their first African leader, Nelson Mandela. And to have Obama show up? And if Mandela was there? Imagine the head explosions. My cynical head would implode. It's that deep. I soooo want Barack to go to Africa. I want him to go everywhere there are brown people who've been told they're not good enough or are dysfunctional. I want him to be a giant walking, talking weapon of mass inspiration to black people throughout the diaspora.

But that's me.

Still, two-hundred thousand folks in Berlin and the best John McCain, his "worthy" opponent, could come up with was a photo-op at a German American restaurant and his usual caterwauling/sour grapes/brier patchin' because he "goaded" Barack into this award tour and now he's learned this is what the O-Man planned all along.

It'll be OK, McCain. It'll be over soon. The press will stop holding their mouths agape ... along with the rest of the world. They'll report on you again, someday. Think of Lil' Orphan Annie, Johnny-Be-Good.

Barack will come home tomorrow,
Betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow ... he'll be done

When you're stuck with a day, that's gray and the press leaves you lonely!
Just stick out that chin and spin and saaaaay!
Baaaa-rack will be home tomorrow!
So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may!
Tommorrow! Tommorrow! You'll be news again, tomorrow!
It's only a DAAAAAAY AAAAAAHHHH WAAAAAAAY!!!!

Seriously. If Barack loses this thing, I swear ... I call shenanigans.

*Pictures from The Associated Press and Reuters