Dick N' Bush: Unrepentant to the End, The Mixtape

Are you ready, baby? It's the Dick n' Bush Unrepentant to the Mutha Fuckin' End Tour! Inspired by 43rd President of the United States George W. Bush and the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Vice President Dick Cheney and their sudden need to jump in front of the cameras and "get the record straight!" The Bush Era may be over, but the hits can last forever!

They've been on every network giving the good news that we won (Everything!) and nothing that bad really happened. A mixtape for those who were living in caves during 9-11, the war in Afghanistan, the war in Iraq, Hurricane Kartina, Hurricane Rita, Hurricane Ike, the subprime mortgage crisis, the overall collapse of the banks, the rise of Iran, $4 gasoline, the tanking economy, Guantanamo Bay, illegal foreign renditions, Valerie Plame, Homeland Security, duct tape, the US attorney firing scandal, Anthrax, the collapse of our infrastructure, the violence in Gaza, tainted toys, rising medical costs and pick-a-tragedy, any tragedy!

Twenty-one slamming, unforgiving, borderline annoying, in your face, "it's all yo' fault not mine and I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING!" tracks. From Bush telling you to "Hate Me Now!" to hollering "Party Like A Rock Star" at the White House with all your cronies and military contractors while it was nothing but "Bombs Over Baghdad" and "Welcome to the Jungle" for our troops.

While you on a roof waiting for help when the levees breached or dying out in front of Superdome, George and Condi were singing Scorpion, promising that as soon as she was done shoe shopping they would, in fact, rock New Orleans like a hurricane! And remember that last press conference where Bush basically sang the Sex Pistol's cover of "My Way" without the actual lyrics -- likely because he couldn't remember them! Salute the victors of the war on Terror to Queen's "We Are the Champions," then watch Dubya take that last wave as he leaves the White House to the sounds of SKKKKKYYYYNNNNAAARD as he tells you that he's a free bird now and "He can't change!"

Lord help, Bush! He can't change! He can't chaaayy-yyyiiee-ange! And remember, as Tupac would say, only God can judge him now! (Thanks to my buddies Negro Intellectual and Adeshola for the help and idea!)

Do you know any songs Georgie Porgy and the crew will be bumping on their way out? Make your recommendations in the comments below!

Attempted Presidential Assault With A Deadly Shoe

The interpreters said the reporter (who was once kidnapped and tortured by Shiite militiamen) was yelling "This is a farewell kiss, you dog," but I always heard him yelling, "King Imperialist, Incurious George, you ruined my country! SHOE TO THE FACE!"

What a way to end the presidency. Poor George is never going to live the indignity of nearly catching a loafer to the noggin. Of course almost catching a shoe to the face is probably the closest President Numbnuts is going to get to "accountability" or "justice" for being a major fucktard with a Messiah complex who had the opposite of the Midas Touch.

I call it the "Turdblossom Touch." He everything he touched to turned into turds.

But, you know? Whatever. I've accepted the fact he's going to live out his days in Dallas trying to convince people he was just trying to keep us safe, not just trying to keep that oil safe. Some are calling for the release of reporter Muntadar al-Zeidi, a correspondent for Al-Baghdadia television, and Iraqi reaction is mixed with some all "No! Shoe throwing is totally UNCOOL, man" and others "SHOE TO THE FACE, MFers!"

From AP:

In Baghdad's Shiite slum of Sadr City, supporters of radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr called for protests against Bush and demanded the release of the reporter. Thousands took to the streets Monday, chanting, "Bush, Bush, listen well: Two shoes on your head."

Georgie Porgy was full of jokes, per usual, equating the shoe throwing to a freedom shoe throwing, or whatever glib thing he said that glossed over realities like being a kidnapped and tortured journalist, or having al-Qaida backers kill your family, or having your schools and businesses blown up, or seeing dead bodies fill the streets as neighborhoods were ethnically cleansed, or watching friends and family flee to Syria and Jordan to escape the bloodshed. You know? That shit.

But, who cares! It's presidential stand up time!

Talking to a small group of reporters after the incident, Bush said, "I didn't know what the guy said, but I saw his sole." He told the reporters that "you were more concerned than I was. I was watching your faces."

"I'm pretty good at ducking, as most of you know," Bush joked, adding quickly that "I'm talking about ducking your questions."

Oh, someday it'll be funny? Right? Right?

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

Photo: Washington Post

The Bushes, ever the gracious hosts since they are SO HAPPY to get this whole nightmare over with have invited the president-elect, my fair Hopey McChangey and his family to the White House for dinner. Hopefully not a hot dog dinner as George is fond of springing on world leaders.

Laura Bush, the one people still like (Elizabeth Banks did a great job as her in "W."), invited Michelle and the girls to come on down and get a feel for their new digs. The Bushes, after being partisan muck fighters for years are nice and soft in this sea change. I'm liking this new attitude even if it has a "Hey! You get to clean up my mess. We're going to be nice to you because your first four years are going to be ASS CITY, mi amigo!"

From The Washington Post:

First Lady Laura Bush invited Michelle Obama and daughters Sasha and Malia to the White House in the coming weeks to get a feel for their new abode. Obama accepted, and a trip will be scheduled soon.

In a telephone conversation this afternoon, Bush congratulated Obama and the two discussed life as a president's wife, according an account provided by the Obama campaign. Obama thanked Bush for her offer of help through the transition.

In interviews during the campaign, Obama has cited Bush as a role model for how she has handled a potentially perilous job with grace and a sense of purpose. Bush came to Obama's defense at a crucial moment, while she was being lambasted for the comment, "For the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country."

In an interview on "Good Morning America," Bush said, "I think she probably meant 'I'm more proud'" and warned Obama, "you have to be very careful in what you say" on the campaign trail.

"That's one of the things you learn and that's one of the really difficult parts both of running for president and for being the spouse of the president, and that is everything you say is looked at and in many cases misconstrued," Bush said in the interview.

See? And that's why Laura's going to be the one Bush to get out of this thing relatively unscathed. Sure. Some will still totally label her as an enabler in the madness of King George, but hey, she's the wife. What do you want her to do? Divorce him? If him being a drunk for decades didn't kill that marriage nothing will.

In other news, dropping her red state credentials, the out-going First Lady is going to war against Vice President/Dark Lord of the Sith Dick Cheney over preserving a species of shark near the Marianas. Who knew that underneath all that nicety-nice Mrs. Bush was packing some balls. This will be the ONLY time in my life I'll say this but, go Team (Laura) BUSH!

True, True: Wassup 2008

Funny, yet depressing, then hopeful, but still ... a touch depressing. Nothing like seeing almost everything wrong about the last eight years summed up in a two minute parody of one of Anheuser-Busch's most famous advertisement campaigns. No matter how you feel about either candidate, I'm so glad there's no way I'll wake up on Inauguration Day 2009 and Georgie Porgie Destroy-Everything-I-Touch Puddin'-n-Pie will be there with his hand on the Bible ... again. That said ... OBAMA '08! (Courtesy of reader Nalia).

Who's Party Is This Anyway?

This segment from The Rachel Maddow Show Monday night was illuminating. If you're a Democrat you know who to blame when things go wrong -- Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. For good or for bad, the buck often stops with them. Lord knows I find Harry Reid especially maddening. But this recent vote that doomed the bailout was an eye-opener about who "the man" in the Republican Party.

It's not John McCain, whose campaign suspension to get to "work" in Washington, D.C. resolved nothing. Or Rep. John Boehner, the minority leader in the House who took his coalition to the floor on a prayer that they had the votes only to find they did not. And it's definitely not President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney who could no longer Billy Goat Gruff the freepers into submission.

Politico.com is running a host of stories on what a death knell this could be for McCain, Boehner and the progressively lamer than lame duck presidency of George W. Bush.

Boehner's story was actually sad to me. While I typically abhor the man, I even moreso hated how the man before him, Texan Tom DeLay. DeLay bullied, lied, emasculated, double-crossed, threatened and beat down any Republican who dared to air a different opinion. Boehner retired the wrath of The Hammer, but his reluctance to be a blood-thirsty, crooked orge didn't help him in this debacle.

From the beginning, Boehner has let his members do what they want. He campaigned for the top job by telling Republicans he would not lean on them as his predecessor, former Texas Rep. Tom DeLay, was wont to do.

But that long leash has been problematic at times — never, though, like it was on Monday.

Democrats were quick to dance on Boehner’s grave on Monday — even though some of the Republicans who could someday replace him might be less gracious in negotiations than he has been.

“I guess the Republican leadership is so weak John Boehner couldn’t deliver 50 percent of the votes,” Appropriations Committee Chairman Dave Obey (D-Wis.) told a scrum of reporters shortly after the vote. “I thought these were big boys.”

It's understandable to be frustrated with Pelosi, who despite delivering two-thirds of her contingency couldn't sign on some of members of the Congressional Black Caucus and the Hispanic Caucus. But she only promised half on a bill proposed by a Republican president and individuals appointed through a Republican administration. To get two-thirds of Democrats to even touch something with eau de toilette de Bush on it is an accomplishment in itself. But to have Republicans balk on their once infallible leader who is still popular amongst their constituents (if you believe the polls) says something profound.

And think of McCain, the man who wants to succeed Bush. He bet the most on this gamble and lost. Now he's in the midst of digging himself out of a potential political grave, declaring he will not be undone by his own doing.

Reluctant Republicans ignored Sen. John McCain, undermining the Republican presidential nominee’s efforts to cast himself as a problem-solving legislative leader ... (I)t was the House Republicans, whose support McCain had returned to Washington to seek, who drove a stake through the bill’s heart: Two-thirds of the Republicans voted against the bill; nearly two-thirds of the Democrats voted for it.

The failure to pass the measure, and the commensurate historic drop in stock prices around the world, overshadowed the presidential campaign, as it has for a week, and swamped McCain’s attempts to turn the conversation toward a more general argument about taxes and spending. The election remains squarely situated on the economy, turf on which polls suggest McCain is far less trusted than Obama.

Now McCain wants to call the publicly unpopular "bailout" of Wall Street a "rescue," but I don't think nomenclature is the problem. From day one, the administration has been reluctant to take this crisis seriously or even admit there is a crisis. Then, on a dime, they turn from "there's nothing to see here, ma'am" to "EVERYBODY PANIC!" It's only natural people would be skeptical, wondering what was the rush. The Patriot Act was rushed. The war in Iraq was rushed. Americans have routinely been told to panic then rush towards the benevolent leader's guidance and to never doubt him or his followers.

Now even the once "true believers" are looking twice. Of course the public is balking.

Other than Bush's pathetic doom and gloom prime time speech, no one has explained anything. No one understands the magnitude of the crisis or how acting (or not acting) would affect the average voter. I'm a regular follower of politics and I don't understand. I've read all sorts of materials and I'm not sure what's the right thing to do. But I do know my votes and my tax dollars are based in my reluctant faith on Congress, the White House and the federal government to catch a clue and find a way to fix this thing other than picking the second largest sum they could guess and asking the taxpayers to fund it (via China).

If Bush, McCain and Boehner can't convince their own party of the severity how can they convince a "fool me once, fool me twice" public?

There Goes The Money, Pt. II

It's the end of the money as we know it and I feel fine (largely because I didn't have any to begin with).

A deal has been made (so they stay) and the carnage continues (Citigroup just bought out Wachovia's banking interests ... but wait? I thought Citigroup was in trouble? Never mind. We're all screwed.)

As I type, Congress has failed to pass the $700 billion plus bailout. Stocks have plummeted. Down goes the markets 470 points! Make that more than 600! Wait, it won't stop changing on me. Now it's around 500. We're all DOOMED!

Seriously.

We're all doomed, but I'm not one to scare the jeepers creepers out of people. I'm not going to "suspend" my blog as a result of the crisis like ol' Scrooge "War hero" McDuck over there. I only say we've got serious problems because they was never any guarantee this bailout would work and there's a good chance it could have made things demonstrably worse, but per usual the Bush Administration waited until the last possible minute to do something about this crisis (I think they spent the latter of two years denying there was even a looming crisis), therefore leaving everyone -- Democrats and Republicans -- with little time to come up with jack shit.

Leaving us with Henry "Munster" Paulson and Ben Bernanke and their no oversight, "give us the cash or we'll crash the economy" plan. And both parties tried to make it as palatable as possible, but apparently not enough. The official vote tally was 205 for and 228 against.

On both sides, most vocally amongst the resurgent Libertarian-leaning fiscal conservative Republicans, there was some major balking at bailing out companies who got themselves in this mess. (Ninty-five Dems and 123 Republicans voted "hell no!") But then there is the horror scenario being pitched by everyone from Paulson to CNBC's Jim Cramer that VERY BAD THINGS will happen if Wall Street doesn't get this bailout.

I'm going to translate a recent conversation I heard on MSNBC's "Hardball" between Cramer and Chris Matthews on this very "no bailout" possibility.

Cramer: This economy is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Matthews: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Cramer: What I mean is Old Testament, Chris, real wrath of God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!*

No lie. That's what I heard, or interpreted. For reals.

The reality is if no bill is passed more banks will fail, more international financial markets will fail and credit will freeze for everyone, not just other banks. Eventually it would become increasingly hard for invidiuals to get loans for homes, cars and small businesses.

From CNNMoney:

The frozen markets mean banks are hoarding cash, making it difficult for businesses and individuals to get much-needed loans. (Full story)

Also in play: news that troubled Wachovia had to sell its banking assets to Citigroup as the financial market crisis raged. A number of European banks also collapsed.

But if the bill had passed the OTHER nightmare scenario would have included the banks getting bailed out, but inflation skyrocketing as the US Treasury prints more money to flush into the lending system, weakening the dollar ever further and raising the prices of everything.

Sure, CEO's would get paid and banks would stay in business, but if everyone stops spending because they can't afford anything I don't know how THAT helps the economy either.

Obviously, there was some cajoling, arm twisting, begging, crying, whatever it takes to get votes changed from no to "yes, take the tax payers money," at first leaving me to wonder if this is going to turn into a daylight version of the less critical, but highly messed up drug benefit vote where thousands of lobbyists and House Enforcer Tom "The Hammer" DeLay were brow-beating recalcitrant Republicans into backing a plan they barely understood and would learn later, they never would have voted for.

But there's no Hammer. And Bush, Cheney, et al, don't scare anyone. Even potential president John McCain, despite "suspending" that campaign wasn't able to do shizznit to get his team on board. He flirted with joining the revolt, but at the debate admitted tersely that he would vote for the behemouth bailout. And apparently, the house Republicans were upset before over what they called a hyper-partisan speech Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave before the vote.

You potentially doom the country over a speech hurting your feelings? Let's be real. Those Republicans just didn't want to vote for that thing. Some Democrats didn't want to vote for this. Don't blame Pelois. Did her speech affect those 95 Democrats who said no, too?

The president is all sour patches over the no vote. Congress is all sour patches. I'm all sour patches, but I don't have much money in the market (just a paltry 401K that is probably worthless right now). But I'm sour patches because this is it. The Bush Administration truly has the opposite version of the Midas touch.

Everything they felt up turned to shit. From the terrorist attacks on 9/11, our relationship with the world, to going to war with the wrong country, inadvertently strengthening Iran and upsetting the power balance in the Middle East by taking out Iraq, to letting people die in the Superdome and drown in the streets of New Orleans, to the spiking of gas prices to "I'm taking the bus" levels, to now the housing crisis which has taken out Wall Street.

Bravo, idiots! Bravo! You ruined everything. I won't say that Bush is the worst president ever. That title will forever belong to James Buchanan who allowed the South to secede under his watch, eventually causing the Civil War. Last time I check, the Bushie's have NOT been successful at causing the South to rise again.

But he's got three-and-a-half more months to find a delightful way to restart what was the most deadly war in United States history!

Still Waiting For "The Prestige" At the End of McCain's Smoke and Mirrors Third Act

Above: A scene from the 2006 Christopher Nolan directed film "The Prestige." Below: John McCain give us the two-thumb salute.

How many card tricks and fluffy white, moose-hunting-bunnies can John McCain pull out of his hat before Nov. 4?

Seriously. I want to know because now I am riveted.

Johnny Mac hasn't been to work since early April. Since 2007, he has been at his day job less than Sen. Tim Johnson who had a stroke late 2006. But now McCain's ready to get serious about the economy that he only acknowledged was in free fall six days ago.

This David Copperfield-by-the-way-of-prop-comic-Carrot Top act has me on the edge of my seat. What possibly will he think of next to delay the damage?

When McCain was down in the dumps because people were all dazzled by Barack Obama's ability to show up and just be Barack Obama and get people to pledge their fidelity to him as well as donate money, blood, their first born, whatever it takes, to get him elected, McCain made a mad dash for the first hot ultra conservative number with a gubernatorial reign. Presto-change-O, re-O strange-O! And suddenly McCain is talking about how he's the real change agent and he, and his new magic assistant, are the "original mavericks" who are going to "fix Washington."

The same Washington he's been in for the last 26 years. How do you "abracadabra" more than two-and-a-half-decades away?

When did this go from a presidential race to the plot of the film and novel "The Prestige?"

An epic, intense tale of two obsessed, hyper competitive to the point of trying to kill each other magicians, "The Prestige" is actually a favorite of mine because of its heavy dose of darkness, illusion and "real" magic. Sometimes this whole election feels like an elaborate trick where I'm anxiously waiting to see the third act and be shocked, so dazzled by the result that I'm left wondering what could happen next.

The film explains all the things you need to pull off a good magic trick --

Act One: Introduce something ordinary
Act Two: Make it do something extraordinary
Act Three: Surprise, surprise you had no idea what I just did, ergo "The Prestige

The star magic trick of the whole film, The Transported Man, is an illusion that makes it appear that a man has been transported from one place on stage to another. One magician who much more committed to the craft develops it first and the second becomes obsessed with co-opting it, improving upon it and claiming it as their own.

I've often wondered if Barack is doing his own version of The Transported Man and McCain, in a fit of pique, has pilfered a bootleg version of it designed by Apple and that somewhere there is a horrible beyond belief surprise ending to McCain's method.

Because if so -- great. Under the plot of that book and film, Obama, the more committed politician, would win the election ... after he was executed for murder. (If you don't get it you'll just have to sit through the three-hours of Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman trying to murder each other.) But I don't think there's any real magic going on at McCain's end. This is more like, "Razzle dazzle, look over there! Don't look at how inadequate I am in every way!

Gov. Sarah Palin's surprise selection as McCain's vice presidential pick was the world's greatest fake-out. It got everyone off-topic. But McCain couldn't pull another Palin. We'd seen that trick already. That's why he had to unveil the "I love this country so much I'm willing to lose an election to go solve a problem I know absolutely nothing about."

If McCain wanted to "keep it real," he should have just said he needed to go figure out where he stood on the bailout then decide whether he was going to help Dubya and Cheney bust out the kneepads and get to begging to get the bill passed. Because it's the Republicans in Congress who are truly balking at the Wall Street bailout. The Democrats are likely to get everything they wanted because Bush, the Fed Chairman and the Secy. of the Treasury are so desperate to get this through both houses by any means necessary. But the Republicans are fighting with themselves in a showdown between the Bushies and the "The Bushies ruined my conservatism" crowd. I suppose you have to make a stand for the philosophy you purport to believe in at some point. If you wanted to stop socialism, this is your chance, Boehner!

In reality, that's what Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid meant when they said it was time for McCain to man up and do something. They wanted him to make a stand on the issue and tell his party to get on board lest the whole nation get hit by "The Great Depression 2: Now More Depressing Than Ever!" bus.

But to act like you can't walk over and "Go pretty, pretty please! I'm your defacto leader! Help a brother out here! You're killing me!" then turn around and debate Barack Obama for 90 minutes. That logic is absurd. But I get why he did it anyway. He needed a new trick and this was it.

Bravo.

Now what?

Seriously. Now what? Because Obama, ever-so-slyly, inferred that McCain wasn't a man of his word since they'd talked about making some joint, bipartisan announcement and McCain made the mad dash to the cameras to pull an Effie White and declare he was not going to the debate on Friday. But the commission who handles the debates said the debate was still on. And Obama pointed out that presidents have to juggle a lot of things. If you can't go work on the financial crisis and go to a 90 minute debate in Mississippi what can you multitask? And you walk and chew gum? McCain is already going to the Clinton Global Initiative this week and what does that have to do with the financial crisis?

The big meeting George invited both McCain and Obama to happens Thursday. The debate is Friday. But Johnny Mac claims he's put his foot down and he's giving us the leadership we deserve through avoidence. If there's no deal, he's not going.

If this is a game of chicken between McCain, the commission and Obama I call bullshit. Someone's blinking and it's the man who has the most to lose by either A) not being able to get his party to vote for the bailout and B) looking like he's scared of a debate.

McCain better do some fancy tap dancing to get those recalcitrant Republicans on board because Obama's either debating him or an empty chair. It's six weeks until Judgment Day. You can claim to suspend your campaign, but there's no such thing as campaign suspension this late in the game. This whole stunt is about the game. I don't doubt that either candidate cares about the economy collapsing. That happening would bode terribly for everyone involved. But to pretend like he can put the House Republicans in a box and saw them in half and we'll all just be sparkled by it -- well, I'm sorry. I'm going to need more than that.

I was surprised by the Palininator and I was surprised by McCain suddenly remembering he's a senator. But where's the trick in an empty chair? Who will look worse? The man debating the chair or the man not there? Maybe that's the trick? Maybe our reaction is the surprise this time around.

Condi sez "Immediately withdraw your forces"; Russia sez "Or what?"

This is the most lopsided game of chicken ever.

The Associated Press (All emphasis mine):

Russian forces pulled back Saturday from the center of a town not far from Georgia's capital after Russia's president signed a cease-fire deal, but his foreign minister later suggested there would be no immediate broader withdrawal.

Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov also said Russia would strengthen its peacekeeping contingent in South Ossetia, the breakaway Georgian region at the center of more than a week of warfare that has sharply soured relations between Moscow and the West.

Lavrov signaled Russia's determination to set the rules for peace in an area where it has long viewed growing U.S. influence as an encroachment on its traditional sphere of influence. He said it is up to the South Ossetian people — and not Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice — to determine which countries can send peacekeepers and which cannot.

I can just see Putin, stroking his fluffy white cat while sitting in the castle of Greyskull, manically laughing at the impotence of the Americans.

What do you see in his soul now, Bushie!

I don't know if the people of the United States and our government were aware that our handling of Russia post-Cold War really didn't endear us to the Russian people.

After "we won" the Cold War we promised the Russians aid and that we would help them make the transition into the post-Soviet Era. Instead we did pretty much nothing but obsess about security their nukes because after Perestroika the Russian economy crashed, inflation shot up and misery spread across the country. The Russian people were lost in the wilderness. First Gorbachev allowed numerous Russian satellite countries to emancipate themselves without a shot fired (something he now regrets). Then the Russians elected an out-of-control drunk, Boris Yeltsin who bungled his way through the country's economic reforms and flirtations with Democracy.

The Russians wondered when the US was going to follow through with that help, but the reality was, we'd won. That's all we cared about. Most Americans couldn't give two shits about what was happening in Russia. And when they learned the realities, that we were languishing about, getting fat off of Hot Pockets and Oreos with grocery stores flowing with abundance. When saw these paragons of gastronomical delights Yeltsin was mighty pissed.

After all, huge grocery stores with every food item you could want didn't exist in Russia at the time. The Russian hospitals were so deficient at the time he had to send his own mother to the west to receive medical treatment. Yeltsin once screamed at 60 Minutes correspondent Leslie Stahl that the US had destroyed his nation. For decades the Russian people were routinely told the Americans were suffering as much as they were during our 60 year stand-off. To learn that we hadn't suffered at all, but prospered greatly during the Cold War, was a slap in the face. Seeing how wealthy our country was demonstrated that the Russians could never match us in military spending.

Therefore, Russia has a huge chip on its shoulders. They used to be the biggest, baddest MFer on the block. They didn't like being the eunuchs. This is sort of like what's going on in China right now, although China has been the perennial loser since the Opium wars. Bullied by Japan and its once borderline psychotic obsession with conquering the Chinese people, made a cuckold of the west by the US and Great Britain, it sucked to be China. But now that they've got a little money in their pocket and a pep in their step they're ready to move up to the big leagues. Sure, they're still an authoritarian police state, but, hey, they got the Olympics.

And Russia really isn't a Democracy, with Putin getting his own special little job, Prime Minister, translated as "Evil genius figures out way to rule forever." It's also a "capitalist" police state, like China. Both decided to reject all that western "openness," freedom of the press garbage. Goodness no. To quote Gordon Gekko, "Greed is good." Money makes you stronger. You can build and buy more weaponry. But a police state keeps everyone in line. Money is a pacifier in the mouths of your middle class. It gives the poor a status to aspire to (even if it's impossible to obtain), it shuts people up. And we should know. We invented that here ... and without having a police state.

After Perestroika, the Russian people were begging for some stability and Putin gave that to them. Prosperity and stability. So what if it's still a police state? They've got Hot Pockets now, MFers!

Flush with cash from the vast natural resources, Russia is feeling a little randy. Last year they were testing fancy bombs and trying to punk others over that anti-missile defense system we keep trying to build in former Iron Curtain countries. Now Poland is the latest spot we've chosen for the system and the Russians are double-dog-daring the Poles to align themselves with us as the Russians feel this missile defense shield has nothing to do with Iran and everything to do with them.

Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, Putin's not taking any chances. He's only taking names.

From Time.com:

Russia warned Poland on Friday that it is exposing itself to attack — even a nuclear one — by accepting a U.S. missile interceptor base on its soil, delivering Moscow's strongest language yet against the plan.

American and Polish officials stuck firmly by their deal, signed Thursday, for Poland to host a system that Washington says is meant to block missile attacks by rogue nations like Iran.

Moscow is convinced the base is aimed at Russia's missile force, however, and the deal comes as relations already are strained over the fighting between Russia and U.S.-allied Georgia over the separatist Georgian region of South Ossetia.

"Poland, by deploying (the system) is exposing itself to a strike — 100 percent," Gen. Anatoly Nogovitsyn, the deputy chief of staff of Russia's armed forces, was quoted by the Interfax news agency as saying.

He noted Russia's military doctrine sanctions the use of nuclear weapons "against the allies of countries having nuclear weapons if they in some way help them." Nogovitsyn said that would include elements of any strategic deterrence system, according to Interfax.

And while Condi, George, et al, are heavy on the rhetorical bombast over Georgia, they are mired in two wars with no desire to fight a third one with our old enemy. While we still have the better toys and the stronger military (even in this weakened state), the Russians could inflict vastly more casualties, cause us far more grief and get the Doomsday Clock ticking once again.

We'd also need to have one of those ... what do you call it? A draft? Because, um ... we'd need one if we're going to take on the fourth largest standing army in the world (and still fight two wars). We actually have the second most troops (China has the most by far ... with its 1.3 billion people to pull from), but our military budget is unrivaled by anyone on planet earth. We're pulling down more than $583 trillion on our military. You have to count the entire European Union to get a distant, but substantial number two spot. NATO is bigger than us but only because we're in NATO with our wads o' cash.

The Russians are number seven in military expenditures, spending $45 trillion. That's nothing to sneeze at, but our number is more that most countries gross national product. But even with less money and less toys, the Russians can still match us old decaying nuke for old decaying nuke. Plus we've spent the past 60 years preparing to fight each other. You don't want to fight someone who already knows all your moves.

Plus, if the US did get involved, per usual, this would be a one country show. The European Union fears Russian aggression, but the western states are just as reluctant to act as they were when Hitler was devouring the former Czechoslovakia. This is one of those situations where everyone is going to sit on their hands until something truly messed up happens ... like attack Poland. The shit will officially hit the fan if that happens. We let Hitler take Poland. Then we let Russia take Poland. Poland, now free, loves its western allies and doesn't trust its former Russian overseers. They are a member of the EU and NATO. Being a member of NATO has its perks like ... if Russia attacks you other members of NATO are supposed to come to your defense.

Either way, former Russian satellites are shoring up their military and finding out who their true blue friends are if Russia starts to get all handsy with them.

From Bloomberg:

"The divisions within Europe are more pronounced than those between two sides of the Atlantic,'' said Charles A. Kupchan, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations in Washington. "There's a host of new democracies in Europe that continue to worry they will again fall prey to Russian expansion.''

Poland and the Baltic states, all once held within the Soviet Union's embrace and now members of the European Union, rallied behind Georgia yesterday.

"Russia's aggression against sovereign neighboring country Georgia shows to the whole world that the peaceful period after the end of the Cold War has ended,'' Estonian Prime Minister Andrus Ansip said. "Russia's actions increase security risks.''

Poland today won a U.S. pledge to help improve its defenses in exchange for basing interceptor missiles on its territory. Estonia's government yesterday said it will boost defense spending.

This all reminds me of an episode of The Simpsons where out of the blue, the once down and out Russians magically reappear with their massive troops, a reanimated Stalin and the Soviet flag waving. When asked, "I thought the Soviet Union collapsed?" a Ruskie replied "That's what we wanted you to think!"

Russia's here. They're spreading fear. Get used to it.

The US can't be the only one going around invading countries and overthrowing their leaders. Russia wants back in to the game. Strangely, in some sick way the Pentagon and our country might like its old nemesis back. Russia made to sense to us. We studied them. We obsessed over them. We built an economy and an arsenal set on defeating them. It also kept the other western countries in check, so afraid of Russian aggression that they kowtowed to us even when we sounded completely bonkers. Sort of like how former British Prime Minister Tony Blair followed Bush all the way to Iraq while everyone else scoffed. Blair was one of the last of the true believes in post-Cold War America. The US misses having that kind of power, respect and adoration as the Jedis to Putin's Darth.

Although, Dick Cheney is the designated dark lord of the sith, so maybe we're Sean Archer to Russia's Castor Troy.

We want our mojo back. So we should know how the Russians feel. After all, if it had been our economy that collapsed and they were the ones promising help, they would have laughed as we starved to death and we would have sat around plotting our revenge on the east. (Much like Sean and Castor in John Woo's excellent "Face/Off")

Quite frankly, we don't give a damn about each other in this game of "Last remaining superpower" versus "angry former superpower."

Just don't turn on the Doomsday Clock, please.