Sheeeeee'ssss Baaaaaaaaaa-aaaaack!

The not-quite-South-by-the-way-of-Illinois-by-the-way-of-New York HAS RISEN AGAIN! She told you she'd be back! Like the Terminator. Only this time she's working for the O-Team. And since the saga over her possible appointment has been going on and on for more than two weeks now no one is surprised.

Every day President-Elect Barack Obama's potential cabinet keeps looking one-part "Team of Rivals" and one-part "Justice League." Could the names be any bigger? Could the egos surpass that girth? All I want to know is who is Batman and who is Superman and is Batman carrying his emergency kryptonite to keep Superman in check? Inquiring nerds want to know!

My thoughts on Clinton for Secy. of State? I'm ambivalent and bemused and fascinated. I want to see this play out. While it's obvious that Sen. Clinton really, really, really wanted to be sworn in herself come Jan. 20th, I don't think this is necessarily part of some Machiavellian plot to destroy the Obama Administration from within. By hitching her wagon to the Great Hopemongerer, she's now completed her transformation as "ride or die" Obama. As in, if Obama fails in his foreign policy she will feel that same stiff, cold wind that occassionally blows at the backs of Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell for their roles in the many fiascos of the Bush Administration as Secys. of State. This is make or break time.

As in, she needs to make this work for the good of the country and her own reputation.

In the end, as a politician (or as anything for that matter) all you have is your name. Once that goes, you go and there's no amount of wishful thinking (see, Bush, George W.) that will make a giant turd of a presidency blossom into wildflowers.

Clinton has chosen not to play passive in this and I'm not surprised. This is the first Democratic administration since her husband's and it's so damn historic presidential historians are having preemptive orgasms anticipating every ounce of minutae they will collect and preserve for prosperity. I half expect Doris Kearns Goodwin to pass out from a case of the vapors.

The only thing that's sticking in my craw is my beloved blowhard of MSNBC, Chris Matthews, who's foot-n-mouth disease knows no bounds. Last week I had to endour the most moronic conversation on Hardball where he (and strangely enough, other pundits who should have known better) batted around the notion of Bill Clinton running for Hillary's senate seat.

Bill Clinton. William Jefferson Clinton. Former president of the United States. Former "Leader of the Free World." Former Commander-In-Chief. Former HNIC and it's all about me, me, me where they played "Hail to the Chief" when he entered a room and everywhere he went was like TV's "Cheers" -- everywhere he went everyone knew his name. Bill "I'm a Rhodes Scholar with no impulse control who could not stop chasing tail because Prince's 'Pussy Control' was about me, man. The pussy is in CHARGE! I just follow the smell wherever it leads me. Don't tell Hillary! But it doesn't matter because I beat every mutha fucker who tried to impeach me! I am untouchable, the slickest of the slick and my dick is bigger than Gods!" Clinton.

That Clinton to run to be a junior senator from New York.

Seriously.

Bill will give up his charity for his wife's potential appointment, but after being president being senator is being Pope and choosing to go back to being a postulate and Bill is no longer the student. He is the teacher, you philistines! And the ego's on fire -- the Comeback Id would rather kick it with his Billionaire Boys Club wingman Ron Burkle for the next four to eight years, picking up chicks in Prague. Debating things like who would beat who in a fight -- Sam Jackson as Mace Windu from Star Wars versus Sam Jackson as the Octopus in The Spirit? Ruminating on all the girl's he's loved before.

I always saw Bill as being Henry Hill from "Goodfellas," the real life gangster who moved up within a crime family but was brought down by his own excesses. When the party was over he griped that he had to live like a regular "schnook."

Senator Bill Clinton ain't happening because Big Willie ain't gonna be nobody's schnook. He's not about to return to Washington, DC only to be Sens. Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer's bitch. He'd rather kill himself. Or them. Hell, that's probably one of the reasons why Hillary bounced from the senate anyway. Ted Kennedy was cock blocking her on health care reform because it was his baby first. So the Clintons like to win and Hillary's decided to take her toys and go join the winning team.

Unfortunately, there will be drama, real and imagined. I put a big emphasis on "imagined." The main accusation and criticism of the Clintons, both Bill and Hillary, is that their ambition is wild, ever reaching and starkly naked. While it is true, they know how to play the game better than most and can manipulate the press with the best of them -- all politicians are flagrantly and brazenly ambitious.

Barack Obama's ambitious. He's just a master of his own domain. He has slayed his dragons. He is in control of whatever demons he may possess, or perhaps he vanquished those demons long ago. He is not a man starved for sex, affection and approval and he is not a woman married to that mess, dealing with her own self-doubts and calculations.

He's in "control." If there were ever a salacious, unhinged, kinky scandal surrounding the O-Man I would be the first one calling "bullshit," only to be followed by shock and horror. But if Bill Clinton gets caught playing "grab hands" with Kim Kardashian tomorrow I'm not going to feign indignation.

Barack is in control and he's in control of this selection of Hillary Clinton.

She knows the drill. He's her boss. The Secy. of State's job is the execute the president's vision. Yes, she can offer insight, but as Colin Powell will tell you, even if you think the president is really taking an "L" there, you have to either get on board or resign.

Very few resign.

And if for some reason she doesn't know the drill and the media circus, Matthews, et al, becomes too much it will be up to Obama to say he's had enough of life under the big top.

Either way. I really don't think folks should spend too much time worrying about it. Obama's got this.

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

What's a little Democratic Primary between friends?

William Jefferson Clinton jumped on the stage and threw down a zinger-filled gauntlet for Barack Obama in Florida late Wednesday night. Clinton crisscrossed all over Florida that day, taking to the stump his case for why Obama is a tall glass of awesome.

I want to tell you is he's got the right policies. And I've read them all. And I've read his opponent's. People used to make fun of me for being a policy wonk but I take it after the last eight years, we all know it really matters what people advocate.

And let me tell you folks, is again something I can say because I'm not running for anything, the historical record shows that virtually every person ever elected president does his best to actually do what they say they're going to do in the campaign and Barack Obama's do-list is the better do-list.

The economic plan is better. The education plan is better. Young people, you read his plan. If you are willing to do community service it doesn't matter how rich or poor you are, you're going to be able to go to college, universal, everybody is included, no ifs, ands or buts.

And his health care plan is light-years better. And I can tell you there are people in this crowd, I know there, are who have lost their health insurance. There are people in this crowd who have children with autistic conditions or other disabilities that need help and nobody is helping them. And we're living in the government, last week one in eight Americans are not going to be able to afford their cancer drugs this year. America drops to 29th in infant mortality and we're spending more than anybody else in the world? They want to defend that.

Barack Obama wants to change that and he has a good plan to do it and we should vote for on Election Day.

And it just went on and on and on.

Then Obama returned that love, ten-fold, complimenting the chummy ex-president as he gave a rousing speech on how power does not concede authority so you better get your ass out there and vote!

Meanwhile, Republican opponent John McCain got himself some free airtime on CNN with fellow septuagenarian Larry King. McCain did the usual uncomfortable chuckle, freaky smile thing the whole time and, once again, used that line that the campaign wouldn't have gotten so vicious if Obama had just agreed to those townhall debates! Still trying to figure out how "I'm not participating in your townhalls" equals "So now I must slander your character and label you as a traitor," but ... you know, maybe Johnny Mac is that sensitive, petty and vindictive. And if he is, dear Lord, please don't let him be president. I don't want us to go to war with Russia because Putin didn't call and wish him a happy birthday.

A few folks watching Larry King Live (namely viewers on Twitter) were calling King and CNN out, claiming they passed on showing the Obama infomercial for cash to give McCain some much needed free airtime.

This is one of those times where I'm going to have to put my reporter hat on and defend CNN's decision. The O-mercial (as reviewed by Time Magazine) was 30 minutes of unadulterated, uplifting pro-Obama love for the middle class and his efforts to reveal his awesomeness to the public. CNN is a news organization and the infomercial was a "news" event. They wanted to cover it. I take them at their word on that one based on Journalism 101 rules.

Plus while McMaverick did get free air time he still had to answer questions not written by his campaign staff. While Larry King is not known to deliver beat downs, he did ask real questions that McCain had to smirk uncomfortably through and sometimes look like an ass while doing it and one smirky interview does not equal one awesome, slick 30 minute spot of "this isn't a presidential race, this is a movement" style film making.

Old News: Halle Berry Gets Hot & Political and Somewhere Slick Willy Smiles

Somehow I don't think our 42nd president of the United States minds this homage AT ALL.

I imagine former President Bill Clinton is hiding an entire stash of these Esquires featuring Halle Berry as him on his Esquire cover at his New York estate or in his Harlem office -- possibly next to that inaugural copy of George Magazine with Cindy Crawford as George Washington on the cover. (Man, I miss George ... and its founder.)

Bill will tell you, sexy ladies dressed as ex-presidents are hot and no one would appreciate this more than him, our former fornicator-in-chief. I imagine he's still smarting a bit over the whole Hillary v. Obama, Jesse Jackson, all-the-Negroes-hate-me-now-and-my-life-sucks thing he's been going through since February, but seeing Halle in no pants dressed like him ... yeah ...

Bill's good now. All good.

By-the-way, for those who don't know, Esquire named Halle sexiest woman in the history of the world or something earlier this month for their November issue. I knew she'd won the accolade, but didn't realize they'd chosen to have her pose as the Comeback Kid. (Hence my "old news." I totally would have reported this had I'd known about the political slant.) I say, bully for her. She deserves it. To me, her acting is questionable, but if there was a contest in Hollywood purely based on who could look the most hot, sans pants, dressed like Bill Clinton on a magazine cover -- no contest.

Represent!

In other news: People Magazine posted this papparazzi picture of Berry with a curly 'fro and over sized aviator shades. Again, (for the curly 'fro snob girls), represent!

Obamas Going On Vacation, Heading to Hawaii

Nothing like a little break before the convention. And don't the all just look adorable per usual? These pictures were taken by The Associated Press at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago. Hawaii's going to throw a little welcome home bash for their quasi native son.

I'll keep my eye out for additional pictures of the Obamas in Hawaii and post them as I find 'em. If you find any, send them my way!

This is a good time for a breather. It's August. It's dull. The cable news and its punditocracy are so bored they're back to getting a woody over every fart and gurgle coming out of the Clintons' mouths.

Honestly, I just don't find what Hillary says to a small group of her most hardcore supporters captured on a cell phone news, especially since we all know she isn't going to do jack crap. This "Showdown at the OK Corral" speculation is just that -- speculation. I didn't even find Bill's inability to be all "rah, rah, sis cum bah" for Barack in that ABC interview very relevant either. Mostly because their passive-aggressive moaning means absolutely nothing.

Unless the two plan to immolate themselves in front of Invesco Field during Obama's acceptance speech I just don't give a fahrvergnügen. MSNBC's Chuck Todd just can't make me care just because Mike Barnicle is chanting "Fight! Fight!" while they guestimate what Bill is thinking based on facial ticks and voodoo.

But they have nothing to say when no one actually fights. When the Clintons throw out some faint praise. When Obama plays it all down and dismisses it all, pundits balk. Surely this is trickery! The media wants a repeat of the primaries, agitation for the sake of agitation. But no one will give it to them therefore the hype must be manufactured.

Everyone speculates that Obama will squeeze out the Clintons' roles at the convention and then news leaks that Bill Clinton will speak in the Wednesday slot. As if the last two term, popularly elected Democratic president, no matter how big of a douche he's been lately, was going to be boxed out of the convention. What? And give these morons MORE to speculate about?

At the end of the day, they'll still be up there, skinnin' and grinnin', because they both are party people ... Democratic Party people. And no one's throwing a party where they're not invited. All those cameras and pomp and circumstance. Bright lights. Big city. And he's a former president for Jeebus sake! Why was it ever a debate whether or not he'll be there? George W. is toxic and he'll be at the RNC convention. Probably not near McCain, but he'll be there.

Normally I try not to blame the messengers, but it seems like the messengers want to spin their way into some DNC disharmony hoping for any controversy during the convention when I doubt there will be any.

Why can't we just call the Clintons drama queens and move on? Why the over analyzation. It's not that complicated.