Obama's "Variety Half-Hour" Is Tonight

Plus alternative viewing suggestions for the Obama adverse

Once again Barack Obama is raising the chorus of "just who does he think he is" with his latest bit of political gamesmanship.

"No one will delay a World Series game with an infomercial when I'm president," McCain told voters in Pennsylvania, appealing to Phillies fans backing their team in the championship. Fox, scheduled to air the World Series tonight, agreed to delay the game by 15 minutes for Obama's program.

He'll be on a television network near you telling you why he's gonna be your man. Will it be flashy? Will it be moving? Will it be just him talking? Will there be special effects? What's the point in being Tinsletown's candidate of choice if you can't whip out the big cinematic guns? He's already blowing millions on air time. No point in going cheap.

John McCain is doing his McGrumpypants grumbling about how he'd never and this is so presumptuous and blah, blah, blah ... who cares? Everyone knows this is about who has money and who doesn't. Who's on top and who isn't. Just because your opponent won't politely lie down and choke to make up for your shortcomings is no excuse to walk around looking like Mr. Yukmouth. I mean, bringing up some Palestinian American college professor at the 11th hour? One who A) isn't a terrorist, B) hasn't done anything and C) may have been critical of the government of Israel? I have a newsflash: People in ISRAEL are critical of Israel. Are we going to bomb Israel now for not being pro-Israel enough?

That said, I'll be watching Barack tell me what I like to hear, but what if you're not interested in reruns? After all, I'm going to guess that more than 99.9 percent of Snob readers already know who they're voting for and Barack could come on TV with dancing girls riding a unicycle, healing the blind, spitting out $100 bills like an ATM while Bill Clinton dances the ol' soft shoe and you'd still yawn and go "AGAIN? Sigh. I already saw Barack raise the dead and cure lepers in Denver last week!"

So here are some 30 minute programming alternatives for people who DON'T plan on watching The Barack Obama: Hope for A Change Variety Half-Hour at 7 p.m. CST (8 p.m. EST) tonight.

• "Tyler Perry's House of Payne (TBS)" -- I wouldn't watch it. But it will kill 30 minutes!
• "Pushing Daisies (ABC)" -- ABC passed on showing Obama's commercial and instead want you to watch "Pushing Daisies," yet another victim of the writer's strike. It had good ratings ... once. Don't you want to watch a show about a pie baker who can bring dead things to life and re-kill them by touching them? It's supposed to be a whimsical and stuff? I wouldn't watch it. It doesn't involve hot doctors who can't keep their pants on or Vanessa Williams being a vamp or hot people trapped in a mindfuck TV show about a sci-fi island. Sorry ABC.
• "House Rerun (USA)" -- You could watch Hugh Laurie abuse people! That's always fun! It's the "Daddy's Boy" episode where he tries to avoid having dinner with his parents. There's also some annoying sick person who needs saving. The usual.
• "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (AMC)" -- Can't further from politics than one of the worst horror films ever made.
• "NBA: Suns versus Spurs (ESPN)" -- I don't like either of those teams. I'm a Golden State, Lakers girl.
• Cable News -- Regular CNN will give you Campbell Brown talking about Obama's show. CNN Headline News will give you Nancy Grace talking about dead and/or missing white woman and/or child of the week! Keith Olbermann will be on "Countdown" (talking about Obama effusively and with no shame to his pleasure.) and Bill O'Reilly will be in his "no spin zone" giving his spin on Obama on "The O'Reilly Factor" on FOX News.
• "VH1's 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs (VH1)" -- How long has VH1 been nothing but reality shows and lists?
• "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" (MTV) -- Paris Hilton still needs friends apparently.
• "Law & Order Rerun (TNT)" -- They're showing a 2006 episode involving a dead mafia accountant. I think I've seen that one ten or 12 times, so I'm passing.
• "Clean House (Style)" -- Support Nicey Nash and the flower in her hair!
• "Dr. 90210 (E!)" -- Plastic surgery on egomaniacs!
  
• "Miami Drug Cartel (NGC)" -- Ooo ... say hello to my real life little friend in this tale of cocaine and violence.
• "Honey (Oh!)" -- Jessica Alba. Watch her with the sound turned down. The acting? Not good.
  
• "Aliens (FMC)" -- Fox Movie Channel is showing the only good movie I've seen coming on at the same time when Barack opens his mouth, the original "Aliens" and it's still as creepy as it was when it first came out in the late 1970s.
  

Check your listings!

No More Kids for La Femme Obama!

Michelle Obama told TV talker Ellen DeGeneres that she is through having kids:

Michelle Obama says she and Democrat Barack Obama probably won’t have any more children because the presidential race is enough additional responsibility.

“I think I’m done,” she told TV talk show host Ellen DeGeneres in an interview. “I think our third child is this campaign.” (FOX News)

The interview is to run on "Ellen" Monday, Sept. 8.

I realize that at 44, unless you're Sarah Palin, it might not seem like a good time to go half on a baby with Barack, but I won't hate you if you make it to the White House and get knocked up. In fact, I will only love you more because the only thing cuter than Sasha, 7, and Malia , 10, (who are the pure Colombian cocaine of cuteness) would be a new, beaming Obama baby.

But I'll stop thinking about that before I jinx it.

Side note: I love Michelle but I TOTALLY HATE what she's wearing on Ellen. Please let my eyes be lying to me. Let it be an optical illusion. Someone convince me I am wrong!

Someone Please Give These People A Job

A series featuring my favorite underemployed blacktors and blacktresses.

I'm not going to admit that I came up with the term "blacktors and blacktresses." Anyone who closely watched "In Living Color" back in the '90s would recall a David Alan Grier skit where he played the host of a black awards show that was basically an exaggerated version of the Soul Train Awards mixed with the NAACP Image Awards, only it gave awards for best scared black man in a police show and Whoopi Goldberg was nominated a ton of times as she seemed to be the only black woman getting steady work in the '90s.

Which brings me to my point. I am a lover of film and television. I own an insane amount of movies from the eclectic and high brow (Julie Taymor's "Titus" and the film version of "Marat/Sade") to mob movies ("Goodfellas," my personal greatest film of all time) to sci-fi (All three "Terminator" flicks, "RoboCop" and "Starship Troopers" and I'm a "Trekkie"). So I get frustrated that there are so few quality films with black people in them and the few there are always either triumph over racial adversity flicks or the most depressing films ever. (Don't get me started on why I try to avoid watching "Glory," it always suckers me and I end crying through the whole damn thing EVERY TIME!)

So this is my occasional shout to Hollywood to give a favorite sporadically employed actor something decent to do other than making extra scratch doing plays and teaching at The Learning Annex or maybe managing a Barnes & Noble.

Please Hollywood, give these people a job. (Or a better one than they have now.)

Aisha Tyler

Current Job: She played "Jane" in the 2008 indie film "Meet Market" and is playing Casey Spandeau in "Black Water Transit," a big budget crime/drama pick also starring Laurence Fishbourne, Evan Ross, Stephen Dorff and Brittany Snow. It is currently in post-production for a 2008 release.

Claim to fame: Her wicked standup comedy, her Dartmouth degree, E!'s "Talk Soup" and her one-off as the first recurring black character on "Friends" in the show's final season.

Why she should be more famous than she is: She's funny, she's smart, she's tall, she's pretty. Really? What's the problem here? Does Hollywood have something against tall, beautiful black women? And what was up with that stint on "The Ghost Whisperer?" I was glad she was getting a steady check, but then, boom, her character is axed. (Possibly as part of that black actor Holocaust that started pre-writer's strike with Isaiah Washington's foot-in-mouth moment of hubris and is still going, claiming the jobs of Jesse L. Martin and Gary Dourdan ... although Gary might have been high at the time.)*

If ... wait, not if but ... WHEN they make Barack Obama the Movie Aisha should be somewhere at the top in the running to play Michelle Obama. Right there with other super tall under utilized black actresses like Gina Torres. While I think Gina's the better actress, Aisha actually looks a little bit like Michelle. Or like Michelle's super hot cousin once removed. Either way. Michelle has great comic timing and frank, cool attitude. Aisha was born cool.

Other things I'd gladly take Aisha on: Any cop procedural show, "Grey's Anatomy" (You own me another hot black doctor, male or female, Shonda!), or her own show on a viable network. Not some backwater burg like the CW. I'd also like to see her a big budget Will Smith production. Aisha looks like she was made for a summer blockbuster action/comedy. I'm talking to you, Mr. Smith! Hook-a-smart-funny-sista up!

Or something where she stars opposite Jamie Foxx, but nothing with Eddie Murphy. Poor Gabrielle Union. Did anyone go see her in "Meet Dave?"

That said, make this happen, Hollywood!

*Down thread someone mentioned that Aisha left "Ghost Whisperer" of her own volition, which is, like, cool with me because the show was gawd awful. I was also informed that she's been on "24," which, alas, I did not know because I didn't start watching "24" until season three or four.