It's Official: Burris will get to pimp walk around the Capitol all day long

And he's moving on up ... to the D.C. side! To a junior senator office in the skkkyyyyy! Remember kids! Squeaky wheel gets the senator's seat! (Politico)

Wait? Did I Say Roland Burris Had Balls?

Let me rephrase that ...

The man has the balls of Gibraltar. When you look up "cojones" in the dictionary THAT TOME HE'S NOT DEAD IN WILL BE THE PICTURE! I'll let Jon Stewart do the heavy lifting this time.

Jon, tell us, man. What's dah heezy with that?

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Crisis in the Senate - Deliberative Disorder

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Also, for the Snob Record: I think this incident has more to do with "opportunism" than "coonism." I know people want to throw the term "Uncle Tom" around which I HIGHLY dislike because neither the real life inspiration for the character of Uncle Tom or the character of Uncle Tom of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" were actual "Toms" by modern definition, but some things are just what they are. To me, this story is about a guy saying to himself "I'm-a gonna get mine!" no matter the cost. (Even paying your own ticket from Midway to DC on Southwest Airlines to not get sworn in.) That's pretty much the American way and racial fidelity has never been one to hold an ego back. This is a story of two people (Burris and Gov. Blago) reciting one of my favorite Notorious B.I.G. songs from the "Ready To Die" album over and over.

And I quote, "The What" (For the curse word sensitive, please advert your eyes!):

Fuck the world.
Don't ask me for shit!
Everything you get
You gotta work hard for it.

End quote.

Seriously. Burris could care less if this is "potentially embarrassing to Barack Obama." Or any black person because, despite the good Rep. Bobby Rush's statements, this isn't a race issue. This is about political power. Obama is already the President-Elect. Everyone is in a mad grab for any job with a title behind it, white or black, male or female, Asian, Latino, gay, straight. Even CNN's Dr. Sanjay "Looks Good In a Tight Black T-Shirt While Reporting Your Planet In Peril" Gupta is looking at a pay cut to get on with Team Hope. Folks want a job in politics in 2009. The opposition can't do anything but bitch and moan about the circus Burris is starring in and too many people have bought into their frowny-faced finger-wagging. Everyone from the prosecutor to the man himself has said Obama was not there when the shit went down, so could everyone calm down, eat some popcorn, shake your head and enjoy the show?

Burris is a George Jeffersonian man trying to get his senate pimp walk on. Why are ya'll interrupting? After all, a so-called Tom would be trying to destroy the black race through profiting his white masters. Like, I don't know, writing misogynistic rap lyrics that make black men and women mistrust each other, profiting from those lyrics by giving the bulk of the money to wealthy white-owned record companies who profit on black exploitation, never giving back to the community while starring on a reality show called "Bros Before Hoes" where you douse half naked black women in Cristal, brag about killing other black men and go by the nickname Lil Bae Bae. Or ... you try to get the Voting Rights Act of 1964 repealed. Or you're Clarence Thomas and you bring up a bullshit "Obama was not born in America" case to the frickin' Supreme Court.

Coonism is NOT being a career politician/lawyer out of the community who did work and fight for black issues, but saw a big sign that read OPPORTUNITY and simply did not care about things like, "Will this embarrass me or the new president?" Fuck no! Effie Whites don't think that hard. Folks are tryin' to be a senator up in here. Do you realize how hard it is to get in the senate and how HARD a person will hold on to a seat? Senator Larry Craig of Idaho got busted soliciting sex in a airport bathroom and he WOULD NOT LEAVE the senate! An ex-Saturday Night Life comedian is in a Minnesota triple-overtime deathmatch recount over a senate seat he will NEVER concede no matter what the count says, up or down.

Plus, Burris is 71 and like most old folks, he just doesn't care what anyone thinks anymore. Do your grandparents care what you think? Can you tell grandpa that he would look silly getting involved in this Blago drama? And while I know old people can be annoying, let's not blame so-called "Civil Rights Era Negro" syndrome. What the hell was Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's excuse?

It's about power. Pure and simple. And this is Burris' last shot. Love him or hate him. He seriously does not care what we think and in the end this is SEVERAL SHADES less embarassing than, let's say, OJ Simpson or the R. Kelly trial which involved, you know, real crimes and shit. All this proves is that black politicians are just like all politicians. Trifling. For the first time, the "Good Ol' Boy" network is no longer a hinderance in getting a hook-up on a national scale for a black man. After all, Caroline Kennedy is trying to pimp herself the same deal in New York with Hillary Clinton's seat, but without the whole crazy governor situtation. That's not embarassing. That's progress!

So, I really don't think this diminishes from Obama's achievements, the various achievements of other "Civil Rights Era Negroes" or even the performances of that wonderful Sue-loving Bobby Rush. This says something about Burris (an egomaniac) and Blago (also an egomaniac), but it's not a reflection on us black folk as a plurarilty. And folks were not just going to go "Obama '08," suck in their guts and act "perfect" for the next four to eight years. Really. I don't think I'm going to get passed over on a job interview because Roland Burris is in DC shouting "I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours" over and over. If he looks like a fool, he is the fool. But he is betraying no one in his foolishness.

The Definition of Baaa-aaallz

Mr. Burris goes to Washington.

I swear. He's getting all Effie White on me and ya'll know how I feel about Effie Whites even when they're wrong. LOVE THEM!!! With every self-smug grin and you-will-not-deny-me! glare I fall in love with his amazing level of OMFG hubris. The arrogance! Pimp rag, Tootsie Pop and a cane!* (Link needs Rhapsody to play) Just when you think it couldn't get worse, it does. Just when you think it couldn't get crazier, it is. And now, Rep. Bobby Rush's wild race card playing has been put in perspective with allegations that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pretty much balked at every Negro being considered for the president-elect's vacated seat. What's real and what's Memorex? Who the fuck knows. This is like Predator Versus Aliens ya'll. No matter who wins, we lose.

And the stand-up Burris did on live TV yesterday at Chicago's Midway, the Chi's Dante's Inferno of airports, in front of Southwest Airlines ticket counter? Complete with gawking, cell phone chatting "look I'm on CNN" trolls? Priceless. I once few on Southwest out of Midway with Tone Loc. That's how Southwest rolls. They pull ALL the broke rappers, would-be senators and unemployed journalists.

Hate Burris, love Burris or simply love the show (and I love a good show), I really think Gov. Hot Rod Blagojevich has Reid's nuts in a vice over this.

Blago Picks Burris, Continuing the Greatest Political Show On Earth

Embattled Ill. Gov. "Hot" Rod Blagojevich never fails to disappoint.

Throwing everyone a curveball Tuesday, Hot Rod picked the esteemed careerist, four decades plus Democratic veteran/law & order, former Illinois Attorney General and first popularly elected black state official Roland Burris as his appointment to President-elect Barack Obama's senate seat.

CHICAGO — Defying U.S. Senate leaders and his own state's lawmakers, Gov. Blagojevich on Tuesday appointed former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to replace President-elect Barack Obama in the U.S. Senate. Blagojevich, accused of trying to sell Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder, praised the 71-year-old Burris' integrity and asked that the corruption allegations not "taint this good and honest man."

"The people of Illinois are entitled to have two United States senators represent them in Washington D.C.," Blagojevich said. "As governor I am required to make this appointment."

Burris, standing at the governor's side, said he's eager to get to work in Washington. He said he has no connection to the charges against Blagojevich, who was arrested on Dec. 9 and accused of trying to profit from appointing Obama's replacement.

Burris was the first African-American elected to major statewide office. He's served as Illinois' comptroller and ran for governor three times _ the last time losing to Blagojevich. (Huffington Post)

Fascinating!

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is continuing his swan song that the senate will not accept anyone the tainted Blago picks into the Dem caucus. But by picking Burris, Hot Rod has thrown down the ultimate triple dog dare -- pass over my qualified black appointment, haters! -- a point clarified at the press conference in even simpler terms by Illinois Dem. Rep. Bobby Rush*.

*Not to be confused by the chittlin' circuit, nightfishin', proudly henpecked -- pecked by the right hen -- bluesman Bobby Rush who enjoys serenading thicky-thick girls. Because with a mama who loves blues from Arkansas that's who I thought of immediately when I heard the name Rep. Bobby Rush. I half expected him to belt out how "Sue, she's a good 'un!" when he hopped on the stage.

Noting that without Obama there would be no African-American members of the Senate, Rush, a former Black Panther, warned the press not to "hang or lynch" Burris by associating him with the ethics scandals plaguing the governor.

"I would ask you the not hang or lynch the appointee as you castigate the appointer and separate the appointee from the appointer," said Rush. "Roland Burris is worthy and he is the only one who can stand in the gap during this time and gather the confidence, re-establishing confidence of the people of the state of Illinois." (Huffington Post)

Rush, in so many terms, asked that people not punish Burris for Blago's crimes. Fair enough. But he also made the point that a Negroless Senate cannot stand. You can read this a lot of ways. Or you can go the simple route and claim that Rep. Rush just said if you don't confirm Burris, you are a racist.

I mean. Here's a direct quote.

"There are no African-Americans in the Senate, and I don't think that anyone, any U.S. Senator who is sitting right now would want to go on record to deny one African-American from being seated in the U.S. Senate. I don't think they want to go on record doing that.

Rush promised to take his case to the Congressional Black Caucus, and he said he intended to lobby Senators as well -- including his Illinois colleague, Dick Durbin.

"Let me remind you that the state of Illinois and the people of the state of Illinois in their collective wisdom have sent two African-Americans to the U.S. Senate," Rush said. "That makes a difference. This is not just a state of Illinois matter ... but indeed, by this decision, it has tremendous national importance."

That's an interesting way to go in getting a fellow appointed. (To be fair, Blago also played a little "he's a black guy, push it through" hand of bid whist there too.) I don't know how successful that will be, but it's guaranteed to be entertaining.

Either way, NOW this shizz is officially interesting to me. Burris is 71 and has watched other hot shots come and go while he was passed over. First Jesse Jackson, Sr. running for president. Then Jesse's son going to the House. Then Carol Moseley Braun going to the senate first, followed later by Barack Obama, who is now our president-elect. Burris in many ways paved the way for these individuals and during the whole press conference he had a grin on his face that said, "You will not take this away from me."

This appointment, which everyone else was running from, Burris essentially ran towards as this was his last chance at such a huge and influential position. I can't really hate on the guy for this category five level of "opportunity = crisis." He knows he's being used and he doesn't care. If anything, at this point, home skillet might being using Blago. And we all know that the senate seat is a *bleeping* valuable thing.

This is going to be a lovely way to burn.