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Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Señor Baby Wipes Gets Axed From "Iron Man 2"

My favorite effeminate, vain, soul-humping pretty boy, Señor Baby Wipes, aka Terrence Howard, was axed from the Iron Man sequel. He's been replaced by the ultimate black utility actor, Don Cheadle, a man who would probably be more famous if Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson and Jamie Foxx fell off the face of the earth.

Competition, kid. Even Terrence Howard was in his way ... until now.

I love The Cheadle (and I LOVED Iron Man -- damn, that was one sexy, cool action flick -- so I'm happy for him getting in a big pay day blockbuster), but it's rare for a studio to fiddle with the cast of a film that was so insanely successful. Everyone in the movie was the hotness, from Robert Downy Jr. on down, so I had to consult to insiders to find out why El Vanity No Good Lover Howard didn't the reboot.

From Yahoo Movies:

When it was announced that Terrence Howard was out of "Iron Man 2" and that Don Cheadle would be taking over the role of James "Rhodey" Rhodes, the question on most observers' minds was "Why?" The first film was an enormous success, turning a little-known Marvel Comics character into a household name and raking in $318 million domestically. Howard received solid reviews for his work in the film. And the movie itself seemed to indicate that Rhodey would have a bigger part in the sequel when he looked at the silver Mark II suits and said to himself, "Next time, baby."

Terrence Howard himself seemed at a loss as to why he was replaced, telling NPR that getting the news was "the surprise of a lifetime." Initial reports said that negotiations between Howard's representatives and Marvel Studios "fell through over financial differences," but a recent article in Entertainment Weekly suggests it was more complicated than that.

Howard was the first actor signed to the film and, on top of that, was the highest-paid. That's right: more than Gwyneth Paltrow. More than Jeff Bridges. More than Robert Downey Jr. And once the project fully came together, it was too late to renegotiate his deal. (Entertainment Weekly)

Director Jon Favreau told Ain't It Cool News before shooting even began that he had cast Howard with the intention of giving Rhodey a bigger role in the sequels, eventually getting his own suit of mechanized armor to become "War Machine." But according to EW's source, "Favreau and his producers were ultimately unhappy with Howard's performance, and spent a lot of time cutting and reshooting his scenes."

Consequently, as Favreau and screenwriter Justin Theroux began the process of structuring the second movie, they reduced the scale of Rhodey's part. With the role pared down, Marvel presented Howard's agents with a much smaller offer than he received for the first movie.

The agents, according to sources, were so taken aback by this new figure - estimated at somewhere between a 50 and 80 percent pay cut - that they questioned it. Why did they blanch? Multiple sources say that Marvel execs never told Howard's reps that they had issues with the star's on-set conduct

So what I'm gleaning from this, el hombre blew it. He was the biggest and highest paid star attached to the film before Downy Jr. proved he could leave the crack and booze alone and pull off the performance of a life time as Tony Stark, aka Iron Man. (Damn, he was sexy. But I have a thing for super heroes. If they ever make a black Superman and I ain't talkin' Shaquille O'Neil in Steel. I mean, The Rock or Nate Parker. Or someone who is so hot and noble looking that I'll want him to call me "Lois Lane" Mary Jane Girls style ... all night long. You know what I'm talking about fangirls! Screw Margot Kidder and Kate Bosworth. What about me? What about the sisters? We wanna go up, up and away! Rescue my ass for once!)

Back to Baby Wipes, though ...

Either Howard is an insufferable bitch or this is the classic case of Hollywood playing the Hollywood Shuffle with the minorities. As much as I love The Cheadle, I'm bummed that I won't see the smooth cool of my sweet, sweet Señor Baby Wipes. Granted, his ego is probably huge from the back-to-back critical successes of "Hustle and Flo" and "Crash." From his half assed Terence Trent D'Arby-esque singing to "Iron Man," to countless magazine covers, Terrence was/is/going to be what every Will Smith and Jamie Foxx and Denzel couldn't be ... a swexy, smooth asshole. A new variation on type.

Smith works hard, but Señor is a better actor. Foxx is multi-talented, but, again, Señor is the better actor. Washington? Well, that's a toughie. That's both Tom Hanks, Marlon Brando and Sidney Poitier wrapped in one. He's Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis. Equally talented and charming Morgan Freeman bows down when Denzel comes to his town. I don't know how he'll beat that. Denzel is getting older. That means he can't take some of the parts he used to, I'm seeing a three-way fight to be America's no. 1 black military/cop/historical figure/investigator/action/drama actor. My point is, Señor was/is supposed to BLOW UP. Not getting in Iron Man 2, the closest thing to a guaranteed paycheck outside of the Batman sequel, not getting rehired after America LIKED you in Iron Man means something really, really foul went down.

You blew it, Baby Wipes!

But C'st la vie! The Cheadle is back, baby, going for another shot at the apple! Get 'em, Cheadle, get 'em! Don't let 'em know what hit 'em!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Why I Heart Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert

See! Now that's satire. I get exactly what that is supposed to be about. It's pitch freakin' perfect, comedy gold. It's so meta and so absurd with absurdity being the rule of law in this election cycle. Not since dogs playing poker have I seen such an iconic image of pop ridiculousness that can burn its way into your frontal lobe and never, ever leave.

And Stephen Colbert's face with his hand on his hip? That smirk like the one from The New Yorker cartoon cover -- priceless. And the Get Christie Love 'fro he's rocking? I couldn't love it more if I tried.

The cover goes with a very funny Entertainment Weekly Q&A with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert about the presidential race (as well as the occupational hazards of working as satirists). Stewart at one point compares their news-ish coverage to being akin to a drunk calling out another drunk for lying in a bar in New Jersey. The interview is hilarious.

Here's a nugget of Stewart answering a question about Gov. Sarah Palin's "folk hero" status:

I keep hearing that she's ''like us.'' There's this idea that people who hunt and have ''good'' values are somehow this mythological American; I don't know who ''this'' person is, I've never met them. She is no more typical ''us'' than I am, than Obama is, than McCain is, than Mr. T is. If there is something quintessentially or authentically American about her, I sort of feel like, you know what? You ''good values people'' have had the country for eight years, and done an unbelievably s---ty job. Let's find some bad values people and give them a shot, maybe they'll have a better take on it.

Thanks reader dkan71 for the link!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Check Yer Wig!

I'm not implying that the lovely Lynn Whitfield is making sure her $12 special isn't crooked. (Mostly because I think a good percentage of it is her hair.) Lynn is obviously auditioning for the remake of Klymaxx's "Meeting In the Lady's Room" video. But "Check Yo' Wig" seemed to be a better fit for this series of pictures from the only music festival I wish I could have attended (that wasn't Coachella) -- the Essence Music Festival, which happened over the Fourth of July holiday, ending July 6th. Here are a few highlights.

Chris Rock doing his funny for money; Musiq Soulchild looking a hot mess in an Obama, "Yes We Can" shirt -- which I now fear is becoming the Che Guevara T-shirt/Malcolm X baseball cap of the 2000s; and Mary J. Blige.

Keyshia Cole. I like her voice a lot, but I'm sometimes a little concerned about her personality so I've been avoiding reading anything about her for the past two years.

Morris Day, performing with The Time. I love Morris and The Time and I own every Time album. Gigolos Get Lonely Too is the cut. And 777-9311? ... So good I wish the Minneapolis Sound would stage a comeback. And don't get me started on Ice Cream Castles, the greatest "make love, not racism" anthem ever created.

Mary J., Kanye and LL Cool J.

Chris Brown took nothing but bland, bland, bland photos for this event. This was especially odd considering he was all too willing to scar me mentally by faux humping Ciara whilst she was dressed as a dominatrix during one of the million replays of the 2008 BET Awards.

Aren't they both like 12? And are people letting their kids watch this because Mama and Papa Snob let me watch Motown 25 with them and I don't recall Michael Jackson rubbing his crotch all over Diana Ross' girl parts. And all the Grammy Awards shows featured nothing but Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson and Babyface for nearly two decades. Will Smith, of all people, was the hip hop militant trying to get a best rap song category on the Grammys. Yet, I never saw 'Face simulate cunnilingus with Pebbles during an extended Luther Campbell remix of "Love Makes Things Happen."

But I'm practically ancient, being 30 and all. Maybe dressing in black latex and turning the weight room into a orgy pit/sex torture chamber is what's hot in the streets these days.

Fortunately, Chris Brown's real life dominatrix, Rihanna, took more arresting, back-bending photos.

I can't tell how good she is at it (that "it" being singing), but that woman knows how to sell it. It's like she digested and shitted out Matthew and Tina Knowles' bestseller, "Be Your Own Pimp (Or At Least Your Kid's Pimp ... But In A Good Way!)." Whether she's dressed like Madonna and Angelina Jolie's love child who just broke up with Janet Jackson (Madonna and Ang -- why didn't that ever happen? Or did it?) or if she's just your friendly, flirty, fantasy girl from the island she knows how to work what she has.

I'm not so sure about Brown. He's cute, I guess. But I tend to like my menfolk Prince/Evan Ross fey or Tiki "Why do we still have our clothes on" Barber. I don't like the mushy, shiny, goody-goody middle. And no matter how hard he dry humped Ciara I never really bought into it. Gross as Robert Sylvester Kelly is, it was game on every time he fake humped a girl for show. Seeing Chris Brown do that was like my initial reaction when I heard Tevin Campbell's version of "Shhh.: Yeah, he could sing, but Tevin Campbell as a sex object? Sweet Lord, no. Being a filthy prepubescent perv was Usher Raymond's thing.

But my larger point is ... Chris Brown seems bland. Rihanna's attractive and throwing all kinds of elbows to make her place as an R&B "It" girl. I'd forgotten Ciara was still working with the radio being nothing but wall-to-wall Rihanna songs right now. And in this era of "Everybody Loves (Usher) Raymond," Chris Brown does not compute. He looks like he should be starring in High School Musical 3. Now granted, Rihanna could be in High School Musical 3 too, but she also looks like someone who'd pose half-naked in King Magazine or put shots of her under-boobage on MySpace just to get out of her Disney contract.

In a world based purely on who people "think" Rihanna and Chris are versus their actual personalities, Rihanna would be dating either an NBA-All Star (i.e. Chris Paul or LeBron James) or some Hollywood It Boy (Shia LaBeouf? I don't like him but he's an "it.") and Chris Brown would be with either Raven Simone or the lesser Duff sister, Haylie.

Of course, I think Raven could do better.

Tyler Perry: So I got an idea for you, Mayor. Picture this ... 'Madea Meets New Orleans.' It would tell the story of a young woman, played by Anika Noni Rose who loses everything in Hurricane Katrina. She's raising her kid, the father deserted them during the storm, plus her sister's four kids because she's in prison for holding a some crack cocaine for her ex-boyfriend. She has lost all hope until her aunt twice-removed Madea shows up to get her and the rest of the Ninth Ward motivated to rebuild New Orleans for Jesus. And while she rallies the corrupt federal system for more support she is swept off her feet by a handsome young civil rights attorney played by Tyrese Gibson Boris Kodjoe Keenan Thompson*. What do you think?

Nagan: Turn the handsome attorney into the mayor of "Chocolate City" and I won't charge you a lick of taxes to film here.

Perry: SOLD!

Solange Knowles and her son, "Baby" Daniel. Daniel appears to suffer from "cool baby" syndrome. Damn that Maddox Jolie-Pitt! One Mohawk and suddenly everyone's toddler is Travis Barker.

Tavis Smiley and Prof. Cornell West

Bill Cosby and Rev. Al Sharpton

Bill Cosby and radio host Tom Joyner

MC Lyte. I've seen more of her the last ten days than I've seen of her the last ten years.

Michala Angela Davis, Lola Ogunnaike and DJ Beverly Bond

Keyshia Cole and her little dog

Broadway star Sheryl Lee Ralph and actor Boris Kodjoe

Adewale Ogunleye and Sanaa Lathan


* See comments!

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